How do you know if he is the one?

I had two friends ask me this question in 2 days.

While I didn't think so much about it the first time I was asked this question, I started to wonder when I got the question the second time.

And my answer is: I would never know. I don't have a crystal ball, and I don't have a magical animal that can calculate it out for me.

But there would be one thing that I know, and that is, if I were to stay committed to the relationship and we both do all we can to make it work, then it would work. If it doesn't work out in the end, then, he isn't the one. Even so, I would have no regrets, because I tried my best.

You need two to make a relationship work.

And while there are some things that can actually make it easier for you to try, there are also things that can make you feel like giving up. And it is exactly the things that make you feel like giving up that strengthen your relationship most. You don't have to argue over every little thing, but it is almost impossible to know someone better without occasional fights. As bad as this sounds, the worst character of a person comes out during this time, so if you can settle an argument in a way where both of you are comfortable with, I think that's something good. Mel and I don't exactly argue a lot, and when we do, we usually only 'argue' after a while, because I tend to need the cool-down period. I refuse to let emotions take over completely when I am feeling upset about something, because I feel that this is the time when most hurtful things can be said. Different people can settle it differently, but I find that taking a step back is beneficial. If you can't even settle differences without hurting yourself or the other, then I really think something is wrong in the relationship, and if nothing is done to change that, then it is probably just the start of the end.

I see a relationship progress in a certain way. It is a gradual process whereby it isn't so much about you, but it is about him/her. I don't call it self sacrifice, and I wouldn't try to balance it out in an equation either. I think people don't see from the perspective that you should put your other half first in whatever decisions you make (I'm talking about the more stable relationships). It's about making the other happy. I mean, why would you want to be in a relationship and be anything other than nice to the other party? It doesn't really make sense to me. It's a cycle you know. A treat B nice, B is happy, B then treats A nice, A is happy (and it goes on and on). Sometimes it's really hard to be nice though, especially when you quarreled, or you just had a bad day at work. Communication comes in playing an important role here. I really don't see how hard it is to say that "I am tired from XXX, let me take a breather for a while to sort my thoughts out" when you feel that way. Firstly, other half gets the message and takes a step back. Secondly, other half would be more understanding towards any irrational behaviour. Thirdly, you give an opportunity for your other half to share your problems with you. I could go on and on about communication because I think people are just not open enough with their communication. Well, either that or they communicate not-so-nice things to one another.

I also have this theory about the different phases of a relationship, where transition from 1st to 2nd is probably the most problematic transition.
The different phases of a relationship
They call the start of the relationship the honeymoon phase for a reason. I don't actually know who came out with this theory, but i figured its because you are like honey at first, and the other party would do anything for honey at this stage, including getting the moon for you. After this stage ends, and you get more comfortable with each other, honey isn't considered that hard to get anymore. And so, people start slacking off. Well, life gets in the way sometimes too. We have jobs, school, friends, family - it really isn't easy finding a balance.
Then comes the next phase. This is mostly the phase that makes or breaks a relationship. It is easy to slack off, and while some partners are okay with it, others are confused over what caused the change. To add on, things start getting more real as the couple heads towards a more stable relationship. It's not just about going on dates anymore. There are errands to run, there are each other's family to meet now and then, and many more things that once were left on the back-burner coming out front, demanding for attention. I mean, you can push these things back to a certain point in time only, right? In other words, the reality sets in, together with the insecurity when assurance is not enough. People hardly recognise the change during these two stages.

And well, the biggest problem of all - expectations for what the other party would do. It's really common to hear this - "but he/she could do this when we first got together! Does this mean that I am not worth that much of his time now?" It's not about that though, I think it's more about a transition that happened without one party knowing. It is probably a fact that one party had stopped putting in as much effort due to (whatever) reasons s/he has. On the other hand, expectations grow as the relationship progresses as well. Things would be so much easier if we didn't have expectations for one another. We love each other in different ways. It's really important to recognise this. It doesn't mean that your partner loves you less if he/she does not love you the same way you love him/her. But we are human. We compare. We compare our love for them vs. their love for us through actions. And when we see that we are doing more, we are not happy. I think this is the time to remind ourselves to look at that person again and pick out what are the little things that he/she does for us. Chances are, we will find that they do things differently and love in a different way. Well if you really don't see any redeeming factor at all, then I really don't know why you are in the relationship. But I'm just saying...

It's good to have expectations, but it is also important to not let the expectations become the main driver of the relationship. If you feel disappointed about a certain expectation not being met, talk about it. It's most likely due to the different ways you love. It's also important to be contented and well, understanding. The other half failing on expectations isn't the end of the world. I think it is just another outlet for you to realise your differences and how you can work on it together. Relationships are just going on dates or simply looking at each other in the eyes and having everything else disappear. It is a lot of work to keep things going in a relationship. And until we learn that a relationship with another isn't just about me, but about us, we probably won't learn to love another as much as we love ourselves.

You know when you are never happy with what you look like?

I think it's quite obvious from the title what this post is going to be like.

I think I lost count of the number of years that I was dissatisfied with my body.

In my growing years, I think I couldn't be bothered. 

Well, I think I was too preoccupied with my friends in primary school then. 

Then you know how it goes, you go into a secondary school and suddenly you're a nobody and you suddenly forget how to make friends and become super self-conscious. 

At least that happened for me. 

Well, at first I was still not bothered. But throw in puberty and your first crush? Okay, now I am starting to bother. But no, still no action, couldn't get to it. Hated exercising, especially running. And you know this self-denial thing? Yeah, I went through that phase too. "It's not so bad, it's fine. you're in the normal weight range again! You're not fat." Well, eventually I did get fat.

And really, the thing about getting fatter and being a nice person, is that people don't exactly make fun of you. Well, they might talk behind your back, but what you wouldn't know wouldn't kill you... No one really openly calls you fat when you are nice cos maybe they feel mean themselves if they make fun of you. Hey, I don't really know the rationale. 

But I was putting on so much weight over the years that when I look back now, I seriously wonder what happened. I probably hit the heaviest when I was in Poly. Well, no more PE to keep you from gaining too much weight, no self-discipline to go exercise on your own. I was still in self-denial then man. Okay maybe not self-denial. I think it was more like, I can't give a damn already. 

And then I was planning an event as part of my module. And you know how these events go, mandatory group shots. I looked at the photos after the event and I was like "My goodness, seriously?" I felt horrible. I think I looked terrible. And I'm not going to hide this picture. I think this picture should forever serve as a reminder to take good care of my body and never let it get to this stage ever again. 

And no, I don't exactly remember when I really started losing weight, but I did remember changing my lifestyle when I went to Shanghai for a 6 weeks school program/holiday. Seriously, exercising with a friend is more fun. I started to like running. Then I met with a few issues and I started going running alone. I loved it more. Blasting fast paced songs as time went by, running faster and longer, I started loving running. 

I was aware I lost some weight by the time I returned from the program. My clothes were more loose, and really, it felt good. And the change was then. I would go for runs with my friends in school. In year 3, I went for PFM and made it my goal to get that silver for NAPFA so that I would get the school jacket. Well, I did get my jacket in the end. Haha!

Here's the interesting part. I started working part time at this place and this group of colleagues would always make fun of me and joke around calling me xiao fei, etc. It was really really annoying and hurting to my self-esteem. But I brushed them away and pretended to ignore their mean behaviour. 

And then I went to Melbourne. Honestly, best chance to change my lifestyle and live for myself. It was quite suffocating back at home because I felt forever burdened by a lot of responsibilities within the family. I lost a lot of weight. In fact, I think over the course of a year, I lost almost 10 kilos. I kinda became a little obsessed with exercising. I felt uneasy if I missed a gym or a swimming session. I wasn't even going with a friend. I was going on my own. And I started becoming concerned about my over-enthusiastic behaviour towards exercise. I actually went to read about it and realised that people could indeed get addicted to exercising. Well, I don't know about others, but I really think this was upsetting balance and I didn't like it. I forced myself to stop thinking so much about exercising and re-evaluated how I was planning my life. Basically, I went off balance once again.

Today, my weight still fluctuates, but when I don't exercise, I don't beat myself up for it but I don't let myself stay inactive for too long either. Most important lesson of all, if I am unhappy with how I look, I do something about it now. Cos waiting for something to change is just not going to cut it. Not happy arms not toned enough? Lift weights. Legs not toned enough? More squats please. Tummy coming out? Cardio and abs workout. Eat healthier, cut down on junk food. Feel better about self and happier with life. Be more energetic. 

Change doesn't happen with whining. The first step is always the hardest. 

6-day countdown

It is finally coming to the end of the one month!!

Jillian Michaels wasn't kidding when she said she wanted the person doing the workout to feel like he/she was going to die.

Level one was pretty easy. Level 2 was doable since i have done it before. But oh my goodness, i really wanted to die at level 3. But i insist on completing the proper 30 days hahaha.

It's a personal challenge.

On a side note, I'm so glad i finished today's one already.

Its just 6 more days. I can do this.

Healthy living in Singapore

It's so darn difficult when you have to eat out. It's not that bad when you just buy and eat the food. But then you get these information about what these hawker foods that you always eat contain. And after you scroll through all the information, you end up feeling that the only thing safe to eat is duck rice without the skin. The one thing that came to my mind when I saw it - I hope this includes the sauce. Almost every thing else there is either coded orange or red.

And if you were anything like me, you would start walking through a big hawker centre like Kovan Hougang market and food centre and find nothing that you would like to eat. I think I am a little extreme though. Plus, I have been cooking my own meals (for most days) for two years plus since I went overseas to study. Whenever I see the amount of oil go into the food, I actually get a little scared. I really don't know why. I lost count of the number of times I go to the market with mom to buy food for the rest of the family and come home with either nothing for myself or popiah from Qi Ji, or a waffle from Prima Deli. I can't resist pandan flavored food, and these two options aren't that oily when I bite into it. They are, however, pretty light in the sense that they are snackish food, so people hardly get full from it. Heck, sometimes even I don't feel full from it. I have to accompany it with a green tea or coffee or I would still be hungry.

Google cheap and healthy food in Singapore and you will probably only get Lei Cha at the end of it. However, the number of stalls selling this traditional Hakka food is limited in Singapore, and it's an acquired taste. I happen to like the taste of it, but I heard of many who just find it too healthy and don't like it. It is extremely filling, which I think is because of all the vegetables. Downside: the famous one is at Boon lay, which is freaking far for me. I settle for the one in Katong, it's much nearer, haha.

So how? Eat mixed rice every day? Whenever I buy food for my brother, I try to aim for mixed rice because at least I get to choose a vegetable dish. But I know people also can get bored from eating mixed rice every day. I feel a little guilty whenever I keep buying mixed rice but I actually think mixed rice is one of the healthier stalls that one can buy food from! Plus, it's pretty cheap! Of course, I occasionally get the sweet and sour pork which is deep fried, but it's okay, moderation is fine. It is nice too! Haha now I sound so ironic. That being said, I hardly eat mixed rice as well. And I really don't know why. I am such a weirdo.

It is so sad that I can only eat healthy food if I pay more money to eat at a restaurant because now all these health craze and fads are catching up on us in the pricey manner. Juice as substitution of food, healthy sandwiches and wraps, and so many more, but all at a premium price. It's damn depressing when you want to eat healthy but realise you can't really achieve that unless you fork out the extra wad of cash. Btw, I don't believe in the new juicing fad. I think it's a rip off. My opinion though. And I quote this one person talking about a certain company selling 'healthy food'

If it was really that keen on encouraging people to eat healthy, then it wouldn't be serving a foot long cheaper than the 6-inch. 

And so, I ultimately believe that cooking at home is a much healthier option, with more flexibility in what I want to eat, and how I want to eat it. Plus, I would really want to encourage myself to eat healthier right?

I just went a big round to promote cooking at home in SG. I think we don't cook enough in SG. The hawker food's price is too tempting for us to spend extra time in the kitchen to whip something up. But, 30-40 minutes is not that difficult right? Bring down meat from freezer the night before, marinate in the morning before going out. Yes, it takes a bit of planning, but I rather plan my life in a healthy way than not plan and wonder how I died in my sleep.

One day.

One day, I'm going to change how we eat in the family for good.

You should, too.

Sometimes, I think I am mean.

You know this social networking site, FaceBook? 

Well, apparently, I just realised today, that your supposed friend can unfriend you on this social networking site while continuing asking favours from you, such as booking tickets to his overseas trip because he can't really understand written English. 

Usually, I don't give a damn. However, if you can be so gungho about taking people out of your life, don't ask favours from them. Don't pretend. 

It's people like you that make me don't want to be nice to people.

So what if you got a new girlfriend? She moved on, and so can you. You don't have to unfriend her sister just because you got a new girlfriend and don't want your ex and ex's family to know about it. I would wish you the best, but I think I would keep my well wishes because I wouldn't have known about your relationship if my friend had not told me about it. *insert bitchy look here* 

If your ego is so big, if you want to remain looking like your life has gone downhill due to the breakup, then I am going to burst this bubble of yours when I next see you. Given your MO, there are only two reasons for you unfriending me on this social media. 

1. Your gf and you are active on this platform and you don't want me to know your updates that you have moved on and is no longer sulking at home every night whining about how your heart has been broken.

2. You have not gotten over your ex and it pains you to see updates about your ex through her sister, who is supposedly your friend as well. 

Which is more plausible? No benefit of the doubt for you here. I'm going with 1. And I think it's seriously mean of you because you have continuously been playing the role of the victim and continuously been getting me involved in trying to get your ex back then. In fact, you still are when you see me. So no more pity for you. The breakup then was asked of by you anyway. It wasn't even your ex's fault that you treated her so badly that she had to wake herself up 2 years later. I'm honestly surprised that I had not connected my fist to your jaw when she told me some things in between your relationship.

And why I think I am mean? Because I know you won't ever read this, not just because we aren't "friends" anymore, but also because you can't really read English. 

Yes, I am feeling really mean now. 

Hiatus from Running

I actually miss running.

I miss running but I'm on this 30-day challenge with myself where I workout daily. It ends on the 19th of this month. To be honest, I cannot wait to go back to running. But I started on this, and I don't want to stop halfway.

Plus, it's not like this workout has no benefits. HAHA.

To be really honest, I feel more tired than when I go for runs when doing this workout. And that makes me feel more accomplished after the workouts. 20 minutes is also a really short time, it's not that bad for a person like me who seriously has issues with keeping to time cos she has a million things that she set herself up for oops.

And although this workout is only 20 minutes, I actually feel fitter after the workouts as compared to running. My minimum runs are usually about 3.5km now. And I feel a little guilty when I go for runs because I feel like I could use that time for something else (I take about an hour plus with walking and using the exercise machines in my neighbourhood).

I wonder if I would be able to go even further after this 30-day challenge. :P

Oh well, 20th, come quickly!

Volunteering

Today, i started my first volunteering stint with Rainbow Centre at Yishun. Yes, the link is directly to their volunteer's page, but I figured if anyone were to read this, they would already be having thoughts about volunteering with them, so yes, I'm encouraging you to do so!

Honestly, before today, I kept procrastinating. Procrastinated in sending the first email, procrastinated in the liaising, procrastinated on the date to start, and even procrastinated to say yes to the time slot given to me. I should be ashamed. I am already reaching 23 and I still am half-hearted when I am doing things.

In my defence, I take an hour plus to get there, it is about a 15 minute walk into the place from Khatib Mrt, and my time slot was 8:30 am to 12:30 pm. I'm sure there are other time slots that I can take up if I requested, I would just be helping with different things. For this time slot, I was helping a class with bringing them out, and then accompanying the class for their 'full' school day. And I found this 'job' scope quite fulfilling, so heck it, sacrifice some sleep to experience it.

You know what? I'm glad I got out of bed and honoured my promise to turn up.

To be honest, I am amazed at how the school functions and how the teacher in charge of the class is able to control the class. She knew when they were going to act up and took the necessary action to prevent them from acting up. The times that they acted up, she knew what to do to get them to calm down. Believe me, it takes a lot of patience and concentration. It's not something that can be honed from just practicing over the years. The school used a lot of visuals, and I am super awed by how they tailor the visuals to suit each child, e.g. use of cars as symbols for tasks that he/she had to do for child that likes car. There was a lot of positive reinforcement ongoing there (sorry, I'm taking psychology, its an occupational hazard).

I am even more amazed by the children's ability. I saw a boy actually use play dough to shape various types of dinosaurs, such as the triceratops and apatosaurus (no i don't actually know the names by heart; I googled them - but it just shows how accurate he is in doing up the animal). And he was cutting really complex shapes of dinosaurs that I think I would not be able to do when I was at his age. I concluded he loves dinosaurs. I have to admit though, this class is a more independent. There are other classes where the children can be a little more difficult to handle.

Oh, and I find it super cute when I see young kids holding their partner's hands, especially when it is a little boy and a little girl. They just look so adorable! And the kids accept you so readily. One of the students just readily took my hand when I was bringing her to refill water (its my first day btw)! They would talk to me, and ask me for help, readily accept my help when I go forward to help them, etc. Honestly, how can you not like someone who so readily accepts you, much less a group? And really, would you want to go once and stop going or go when you feel like it when you know that this group of children require a as much stability in their school life as possible?

Well, I wouldn't want to do that. It has something to do with what I am learning as well. In general, children do not go very well with change. Think about it, as adults, we find it hard to deal with change at times too. How would a child be able to adapt more than an adult? Plus, these children already have enough on their plate learning their daily habits. It would be mean to cancel a volunteer session just because "I can't get out of bed".

So, I really encourage volunteering with Rainbow Centre if you like children and are willing to commit long term (about 6 mths). Don't think about ad-hoc, because if you want ad-hoc, go to SG cares instead or smth. You have to be open about the experience and must go with a heart that wants to learn about the children. Because it's easy to be blind to the good of these children when you see their behavioural problems which you otherwise might not see, or see much less in children without special needs. And yet, you could see how capable they are if you opened your eyes as well.

This is the furthest i would go here.

Today, i attended the wedding of an uncle.
Together with the ongoing issue within my own family, i started wondering, just what constitutes a family? Or rather, what constitutes a harmonious and functional family?

Because it feels so far away.

Honestly, it saddens me. In fact, it scares me as well.

What have gone so wrong that we turned out this way?

When one decides to get married, and go through the vows, have they really considered through carefully and have the wedding vows that they said before the altar been drilled into their heads?

Why do people even get married if they do not hold steadfast to their vows and promises to one another? Most of all, how can you even treat the person you married in a horrible way? Didn't you marry this person out of love? How can you even bring yourself to hurt someone you love?

 Its so pretty. Weddings are so pretty. They are sacred too. Why do people go through this whole beautiful life event only to taint it with their selfishness? When two people stand before the altar, they make up one. How can there be more than 2 in the equation? Do these people just fail math or they just have no sense of logic?

How can this happen? How can people just fall out of and in love again just like this? How can a wrong be righted with another wrong? How can one be in the wrong and still remain adamant about righteousness?

Because you lose the right to, regardless of previous wrongs by the other. You lose it right when you broke the vow. And breaking the vow not only translates to a disrespect to the marriage, it also means that you have let down everyone who was led to believe your lies, and people are now given the right to relinquish any respect they have of you through the years and replace it with negative judgment on you.

It's been so long

It's been so long since I came to this spot.

I guess sometimes life really gets in the way.

I piled up so many things on my plate since I got home from Aust that I actually feel overwhelmed on some days. I sacrificed so much of my sleep that my eye bags are out again. :( (ok my eye bags have always been somewhat there cos of my complexion but when I have lack of sleep, it becomes super obvious)

Anyway, most importantly of all, I started up this insta/facebook page on the bakes that I do for family/friends or for selling haha. I think this is the closest I get to my dream and I am really happy that I get to go this far. Super thankful for the undying support from the mr and all my friends who have either supported me through buying from me or really, just talking to me about it. I get so pumped up when I talk about baking and all. I don't know why, I really dont. Maybe it's passion. :D

I'm now starting on the second trimester for my 4th year in JCU. You know, I really like psychology - especially the counselling part, but sometimes, I really wonder if I am good at it. Because if I were really good at what I am doing, then why can't I do the same towards what is most important to me? 

I have also started giving tuition to a P2 student. Actually I find teaching quite fun :D Except I realised that I face a huge issue whenever we come to Chinese. oh my. I guess kids just really don't like chinese. I don't know why as well hahaha. I wasn't a huge fan but I was okay with chinese. Soooooooo~.

About bread, and irritants in the library.

And so, I had a plan.
I envisioned me happily eating my

ham and cheese sandwich,
or my

strawberry yoghurt sandwich,
or my

peanut butter and jam sandwich.

But they all went down the chute today (literally) when I woke up seeing my bread had turned mouldy.
:(

The images were obviously googled (my bread spoilt, remember? hahaha)

And then I went to the library.

At first it was okay, maybe a bit of noises here and there.
And then the girl in front of me talked to the guy in front of me.
Oh yeah, I'm okay (but no-so-okay-already) with that, since she is sick and whispering might aggravate her cough.
BUT THEN THEY JUST WON'T STOP TALKING.

omg it's so bloody irritating.

The guy would do work, then the girl would tap him after a short while (i swear it's not even 5 minutes), he would turn around, they would start talking again, and then he would turn back to do work and she would tap him and yeah, you get the drift.

I couldn't take it after a while and had to listen to music.
And then I could hear them over the music and had to crank up the music more. -.-
As if that wasn't enough, I looked up from my paper to suddenly see her sitting on him hugging him. -.-

Like seriously?

And then when she finally got off him, a friend came in a while later and they started chatting.
Have I mentioned I was in a library?

urgh.

Eventually a librarian came in and told them that it is a silent study area and if they wanted to talk, they should talk outside.

I'm being dreadfully honest here, I had to force myself to not smile. I was soooooo happy.
LOL.

I'm so mean.

Why you shouldn't give a damn.

I meet annoying people a lot of times in my life who constantly do unfair things repeatedly. And honestly, it is getting increasingly draining dealing with them. But really, sometimes they do things to push you to an end, and you just go "You know what? You can go die for all I care, I've had enough." - No, I don't mean literally, I'm not that mean.

I like to rationalise my actions. I try to be logical no matter how illogical I may sound to others. And so, reasons for why I shouldn't give a damn about these people anymore.

1. The cliche "they aren't worth it". I don't care how ridiculous this sounds, but people who constantly push you to the extremes really aren't worth your time, effort, and friendship. As bad as I may seem for being the one calling it quits, I argue that I am just reacting to other party's behavior. Not giving a damn about the person anymore is really, a favor to that person, because really, when I don't give a damn anymore, it's when the person has repeatedly behaved unfairly towards me. And so, not giving a damn is better than dissing the person.
2. They are just being very selfish. Honestly, when people behave in ways that repeatedly annoy you, it's because they are only thinking from their POV. I know people are selfish; everyone is selfish to a certain extent. But really, there must be a limit. The world doesn't just revolve around you and your small little world. Just because you want the attention doesn't give you the right to behave in ways that cause others unhappiness or inconvenience.
3. They self-victimise/self-pity. I always have a theory about people who engage in self-pity. Giving in to them equates to indirectly telling them that they were really a victim of a certain situation and that they could do it again because it will work. Guess what? I don't fall for that. I give this analogy. If you fall and scrape your knee, you get up on your own feet again and do something about it. If you just sit there and cry, then may your wound infest and you die from it. Because really, unless you are in one way or another handicapped, you have no reason to rely on others for your well-being. Well, unless you pay them. Then yes, you have the right to rely on them to nurse you and babysit you.
4. They do not self-reflect. I can't hang around people who do not self-reflect for a very simple reason. They behave as if the world only revolves around them and they are always right no matter what they do.It is absolutely irritating because these people are too narcissistic for me. If you love yourself so much, I guess you can spend more time with yourself then.
5. They don't give a damn about you too. This is probably the most direct way of seeing that you don't have to give a damn about them too.

And so, no, I am not going to give a damn about you. So there. 

Dreams.

Do you have dreams?

Will you press on to your dreams?
I badly want to open a cafe in the future, one that sells sweet desserts, good (and sometimes unique flavored) coffee, good food.

I have so many guinea pigs for my sweets now. ^^
I tried so many new recipes; sometimes repeated recipes because Melvin likes it (every once a month, sorta a way to celebrate the day that Melvin and I got together).

Nutter's Madness

Panna Cotta

Tiramisu

I lost the drive to find more photos. hahha. 

My thoughts are everywhere. I want this, I want that. I actually think sometimes, I want to learn how to walk before I crawl. I will probably fall very hard if I continue with that mentality. 

Melvin and I were discussing that I should start an online business first before going out in the open with a cafe and everything. Just talking about makes me so pumped up that I don't want to study. 

Oops. 

Back to Earth for the moment, maybe? :P

Sucha procrastinator

that's me alright.
i blame the weather.
i blame my house for being cold.
i blame the lack of motivation for me moving around.

i blame everything except myself hahaha

i want to nuaaa.
but you can only nua if you feel warm and comfy right?
And i'm not warm and comfy yet :(
It's one of the warmer winters already but i still feel cold because the place i am living in is filled with windows and it's horribly cold with windows as they are poor conductors of heat. as such, my house can be freaking colder than the weather outside.

SO UNFAIR!

i want warm house :(

and i deviated from my main post.
i am a procrastinator because i only spent 15-20 minutes tagging photos and i am bored from it and have stopped.
maybe it's my computer. the screen is too small.
hmmm.

All Travelled Out!

I think I've been so busy during this holiday travelling!!
"So busy that I haven't done any academic stuffs that I am supposedly supposed to be doing"

Went to Geelong a day or two straight after exams

What we bought to keep up filled up during a 1 hour train ride! :D 

I LOVE 5 AM YOGHURT! :D

a hazy morning? nahhhhh a FOGGY ONE! :D #imsomean 

a typical Aussie tea! (it's dinner actually, but they call it tea. hmmm) 

a fireplace, a working one! #seentoomanynicebutnotinworkingconditionones 

typical aussie breakfast! Egg in a Nest! :D omnomnom

Went to Sydney very closely after
*i havent got the photos uploaded yet. "me the procrastinator :("*
i will update with photos soon haha


Hopped off to Bendigo, Ballarat, & Warrnambool thereafter!

Mine tour at Bendigo!

All geared up! (without our headlights yet!)

And then it was day two to Ballarat!!

Welllll. We have to stop by for the best hot chocolate when we come across it don't we? :D

Housemate phototaking session! :D

me looking EXTREMELY happy with my hot chocolate!! :D


Sovereign Hills in Ballarat!!

Day three was waking up pretty early to head to warrnambool after a fast breakfast in the hotel room!
oooh and we saw whales at warrnambool! - what we were actually after hahaha!

awww. i don't actually have a photo of the whales we saw.
here's a photo of me with the sea as background instead hhaha!
the photos won't actually do the real sightings justice anyway.
but omg it was so fascinating cos the whales were SO NEAR US!!!



me being macho pumping the petrol :P

I'm pretty tired of travelling at the moment!

Although I shouldn't be complaining!
So thankful for being given the chance to do all these while I am studying! :)

*rest rest! i want rest! haha*
"growing fat in winter :("

First-world problems, you say?

And the time of the year (well half-year actually) has come.
The dreaded exams.

And I totally have not got into that mood (not that i should require one; i have to study whether i am in the mood or not) to study.
I should get started on my 2000 word research essay.
But here I am, doing a 2000 word blog post instead.
I'm exaggerating, it won't hit 2000 words.

Anyway, I have been going out for brunches! teehee

 "and made my own tooo haha!"

 

spending relatively a lot of time with the boy (oooh coffee and muffins! :D) 

and no-bakes for the boy :)

and a rescue pack for friends (on a first come first serve basis haha)

and i recently just made like 3 over batches of Rocky Road to sell for fundraising for Royal Children's Hospital!! I do have many photos of the brunches, haha, but none for my pretty Rocky Road :(
Was in too much of a hurry to actually take a photo.
Aftermath of this was a decision to abstain from making Rocky Road for a loooooong time (as much as i like it, i think i value my hands more - the whole process of cutting it to make it look pretty almost killed my hands).
But seriously, I'm in such a mood to bake, and to cook.
I'm like seriously EXCITED, ECSTATIC, *insert any other excitement-related word(s)* to finish my education and chase after my dream(s).

Maybe it would hit me soon, maybe I would start regretting this decision of mine once I join in the rat race, who knows? But I think I would regret it if I don't start following what my heart wants me to do. Well, technically, my heart is pulling me both ends at this point of time - which means I'm stuck and don't actually know what the hell I am going to do when I graduate. I know I should NOT think of this during this period of time, but it's precisely these kind of moments which make me go, 'I really want to sit down at a cafe and contemplate my life over a cup of coffee and story book'. I know fully well that when exams end this thought gets thrown off right out of the window.

Alright I should start reading on my essay. :'(

PS did i mention that I love the kinder bueno over in Melbourne? omnomnom

Education - For society or for me?

You know how you just finished a lecture on inequalities and you go, damn. there is inequalities EVERYWHERE. Yeah, I always end up with that thought.

And then I always think of it from the perspective of a Singaporean. Last week's lecture was on education inequalities - on whether education was a form of inequality.

I would have argued that the compulsory education up to secondary school in Singapore was a good indicator that it was not a form of inequality. It was equalizing all of us. But then I think through the kind of education that I went through - endless tuition, piles of homework from school AND tuition, supplementary classes in school AND supplementary classes from tuition for year end exams.

And I start to wonder, it is a norm for me and my siblings to get tuition, and we don't appreciate it. It isn't because we are rich; the average in Singapore can afford it, the poor can't, but I have seen many parents slog their guts out to earn money for their child to go tuition. Maybe the poorer students would appreciate the extra help at tuition more, but I knew I wasn't one of them. Tuition turned to be a norm because we (parents, not us) are so afraid of losing out. You see smart children getting constant band 1s (85% and above if i remember correctly) in tuition . Heck, i even had a student in my tuition class who was going for a primary 5 tuition class when he was only in primary 3 or 4.

SERIOUSLY?

Remind me again what tuition is for.

Do we argue that the education system is flawed? What we have created now is Elitism, where the smart might be made up those who just had more resources than others. And so why do we fight that way? I've heard so many stories on how students are selfish and won't share how to solve a problem because this would give them some form of advantage. Why so selfish, you ask. I ask, why that bell curve? Instead of creating a cohesive learning environment, we created a competitive environment where each individual goes "everything for self (society)".

Everyone fights for what the society wants - "Business and banking will take you far, son," says father. And son goes on to business and banking. Note that I didn't use daughter in my example. "Oh business requires a lot of traveling, not good for girls. If you do go in, just do HR". I'm stereotyping. I admit, not every parent does this, but this is what majority of the society is made up of. Well, you do see more and more girls in the education system in Singapore since it is mostly based on credit. But the direction? - Business Business Business. "So why are you taking business?" - "because my parent asked me to, because my friend is taking it." "Well, what about what you want?" "I don't know."

It's not easy to get into business though, you usually see the best going in there. And who are they made up of?

As if competition is not enough with the locals, foreigners join in. Honestly, I've worked with a few in my group assignments. They are either slacking off, or their standard of English is totally off. Standards of English can be improved, but you wonder sometimes. How did they manage to get into your course with THAT standard of English. I won't even hide the shock - no make that horror instead - if they told me they were a scholar. And you thought a minimum of C6 was required for an entry to a business course (or any course for that matter) in the Polytechnic.

Opportunities.

Who gets them? Or maybe I should frame it this way - Who has the better capacity to gain the opportunity? Resources are so important in today's context. It has been proven again and again in research that the rich would have better access to resources, and their opportunities for future success are much higher. And so, may I ask, whose interests is it in favor of for accepting foreign students (Please, don't use the word talent)?

Still equal?

Think again.

Books for Life - I'm a Nerd :)

Did I mention that I have been reading quite alot lately? I read quite a lot of books that I have read before, like Cleo, The Time of My Life, The Book of Tomorrow, etc. And yeap, I also read a few new books.

I finished The Way We Were by Elizabeth Noble. I found this book rather heart wrenching at the end, because unlike many other romance books, this book doesn't have a happy ending. :( But it was realistic that way. Ending it happy would result in so many others feeling unhappy. And something that I gained from this book by Melissa

"You've got to stop painting yourself as some kind of victim. You're a volunteer. You're making victims of everyone else... Your life has been what you've let it be."

Well, I re-read The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. At the end of that book, I found that there was actually a sequel for this book. *gasps* I JUST HAD TO READ THE SEQUEL. haha. "you can't read like 3 chapters and leave yourself hanging there right?" - so i got the pdf book. and i finished it in a day. "while my assignments were like piling" I KNOW. i should kill myself sometimes - always shirking that way. eeps. BUT ANYWAY, that book was really good. and i think it really shows the importance of the efforts that one puts in into a relationship, not just today and tomorrow, or 1-2 years down the marriage, but through the whole marriage, for life. And slowly, just slowly, you start to realise, that if a person loves you enough, 'not romantic enough' is just an excuse, an excuse for the lack of trying.

and guess what i'm doing now. going back to Running Man and laughing till my (non-existent) abs ache at the episodes. ah well. i can study tomorrow. "Shoot me now"

Busy as a Bee!

I was supposed to come up with new year resolutions for 2013.
But i guess it's a little late to come up with a list now that i am already a quarter into the year.
No!
I did not procrastinate.
All I did was do the things that I was supposed to do daily and poof!
Time flies.

It is easter break next week!
That means a week free from school!
I should start behaving like a year 3 student and do my work properly.
Because it is this period of time when we start chionging right?
But i feel so sluggish.
I don't want to do anything at all.

I blame the lack of sleep sometimes.
I get up at like 730AM everyday but i refuse to think that it is a normal waking hour because everyone stares at me with the 'WHAT?! HOW DO YOU WAKE UP THAT EARLY EVERYDAY?!'
I blame everyone for making me think that I should slouch around till idk 10am?
I feel myself getting lazy.

I think I am kind of overloading myself with all the different modules i am taking this sem.
They require too much thinking.
I don't exactly like thinking.
Well, I do like thinking sometimes, like when I am alone and all.
But the thinking level they require is like at level 100 when I think my brain activity level currently supports up to say 50% only. Each time I do my readings I have to read the sentence over and over because the whole structure doesn't seem to make sense to me. I can't tell if i am the only one having this problem.
But i guess its just me. No other Soci student is complaining much.
I would like to console myself by telling myself that they just don't do the readings.

Well, a dreamer can hope.

Talking about dreams.
I haven't been having much dreams for quite some time.
BUT EVERYTIME I TALK ABOUT NOT HAVING DREAMS I START DREAMING ABOUT THEM.
Most of the dreams aren't that pleasant I might add.

Occasionally i get ridiculous dreams but they are all realistic dreams, not totally illogical. I once made an illogical dream, and i woke up because i knew it was a dream.

Something got me thinking a little yesterday. I walked past a sec school friend. He was smoking, something totally different from what I pictured him to be while we were in sec school. He was athletic, and he just somehow screams 'go healthy' to me.
Then i started to think if it was the friends that he mix with over here and if it was peer pressure. And then i wondered if he is now totally different from who i thought he was. And then i scolded myself for passing such a judgment. He was just smoking. it wasn't that big an issue. Well, not that big in Australia. Okay, not that big anywhere i guess. Smoking doesn't really change a person.
And then i started thinking about how some people would say 'I would NEVER smoke. I would rather DIE than smoke' but are now smoking anyway. Have they forgotten what they said? What changed along the way?
And then I started thinking about one of my friends who told me he smoked in the past, like social smoking, as a sort of blend in and be cool thing, but stopped when the phase passed and i wonder if people who did not stop then ever stop. Will the phase ever be over?

My thoughts are so everywhere.
But yeah, i got to start my brain moving.
It isn't moving enough.
So many thoughts, but no links.
I ALWAYS MISS THE LINKS.
:(

Irritants.

i think my life is getting more stale than ever.
Well, apart from the weekends haha.
We had an American theme Housewarming last saturday! :)

Anyway, this isn't my point of today's entry. My point is actually a question.

Do you ever meet people who irritate the heck out of you but you refuse to say much because you feel that you should maintain a certain level of friendliness to him/her?

I seem to meet these people all the time and they annoy the heck out of me.

Don't mistake my silence for tolerance. I'm a generally peace-loving person, but seriously, I have zero tolerance towards people who push their luck too far in my face.

How nice it would be if there were no irritating people in this world. However, there is apparently no equality in this world. As such, there is a need for the poor to recognize the rich, just as there is a need for the presence of irritants for one to appreciate the goodness of the nice. I know this has no relevance but I'm taking soci this sem, i need to justify myself coming to blog because uni students are apparently not allowed a life. Another social convention that we can do away with. Who came about and imposed all these social rules? -Yes i diverted. I have this tendency.

Back to my point. I really can't stand these kind of people anymore. I really want to just go up to them and tell them to grow up and leave me alone because i find them so annoying. Why do I have to be polite to them?! I try to rationalize and I came to this conclusion (from a psychological perspective).

It has to be a form of survival instinct! In order to increase the chances of survival, an individual will try his/her best to avoid all forms of confrontation (reduce chances of being murdered :O) and try to conform as much as possible (blend in as much as possible). (I just had to theorize all these hahaha)

Yes, that was just me bullshitting. I didn't answer my question at all. There is so much that is left to be unsaid; because if there was anyone that I had to speak to about this, it would be the person(s) in question(s). Going around badmouthing them would just make things too tiring for me. Because, what do you know? The world is small. The stories sometimes get back to the people themselves.

Back to School

School has started for a week already!
I can hardly believe it has started when it barely ended (thanks to summer term haha)

Well, at least i know for sure now that i will be graduating by the end of this year! :)
Sho happpppyyyyy. :)

I'm worried though. I don't want to commit to a route yet. I can't stand it when people ask me what I intend to do after this. It's such a pain. I have to go into another round of explaining why I am not committing to a particular route. OH AND THAT DISDAIN on people's faces when they realize that I have not made a decision yet.

Oh get over it annoying people.

I will not answer any more of such questions if you aren't genuinely interested but just want some juicy gossip. it isnt that juicy anyway.

Time

Time passes fast sometimes. Time passes fast when you have things to do, when you are enjoying yourself - somewhat.

I'm kind of enjoying this solitude moment, where time seems to slow down. I could get used to this, I think.

And I just have to share this hahaha.
Well, I just came across this really funny lullaby. Well, it's not funny when you sing it, you would think it has a calming effect. Wait till you read the lyrics...

'Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,And down will come baby, cradle and all.'

Well, I wouldn't have really paid attention to the lyrics of this lullaby - AT ALL.

Now that I've typed it out, you will stop wondering why babies WON'T stop crying when you sing them lullabies like this already?

I pretty much got the answer. If I were the baby, I would cry too. I mean, putting me on the tree? And not on a secure bough (branch) at that so I would fall when it breaks?!

Pretty sure this was invented by a mother who clearly got enough...

Haha. This is what I heard yesterday. It was so hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing.

Anyway, Sat was so cool. I went to the government house in Melb!!! OMG I SO WANNA STAY IN THERE. It's so pish posh! And you see those old European stuffs here and there. And there is Queen Elizabeth's signature!! alright I should stop acting like an idiot just because she has the same name as me. There are tons of Elizabeths out there.

But it's just so cool.

Did I mention I've never been to the government house in Singapore? Such a shame. Can ANYBODY go with me? It's so annoying. Whenever I mention it people will look at me as if I'm crazy and yeah... I end up not going. But seriously!!! I think it would be a grand looking house too you know. :(

Alright I should stop rambling.
I really wanna see fireworks though.
:(

*Sigh.. if only i can get this amount of words out for my report as fast as for my blog...
psht.

Fresh Start - the smell of solitude.

Been spending a week plus over in Melbourne already.

It's crazy. I'm in school almost everyday - well actually i think everyday because i really need to sap on the internet from school HAHAHA. "don't wanna get an internet plan when things aren't cfmed"
Weekend comes and poof, its busy once again going for inspections after inspections.

Week starts and I have to do readings and prepare for tutorials and lectures.

Next week is going to be really fast track and I wouldn't even know what hits me i think. "freaking out a little with the amount of extra readings that i have to do for a summer intensive subject."

But oh well!

I'm pretty much settling down into my own personal space (:

Settling Down

Flew back on the night of 4th Jan.
Not the best flight I would have.
"Seems that bad luck ALWAYS befalls me whenever I am alone"
Then things would happen to make things back as it should be or even better :)

I got a centre aisle seat, and diagonally in front of me was an empty seat by the window because someone puked in the previous flight and the people wanted to move because it wasn't cleaned properly.
le sigh..
I'm not complaining but I wished she did not actually mention it or spray something so that I started to smell it for awhile and make myself feel a little sick too.

Anyway, I couldn't really stand the people sitting in front of me. If I had that many kids in future I would kill myself if they were so irritating and rude. They were quite noisy from the start of the flight - fine, I could live with that. Just when I was going to doze off into lala land, they had to spill (i would like to think) water - COLD WATER on my feet. I don't know what they were doing but I know it was an accident. Still, an apology wouldn't be too much, wouldn't it?

Throughout my whole flight I just had this stomach twisting feeling, like I knew something wasn't going to go well, and it really was true!! :(

No starbus when I arrived. With no Aust number because I decided to cancel mine, I tried to use my SG number to call. While they left me waiting there for ages and so, I decided to take SkyBus. Well SkyBus only sends one to Southern Cross Station. Supposedly smart me thought I could just take a tram back with a 2-hour pass. Smart me could not compete with the transport system in Australia, which decided to change the system to only accept Myki cards from 29 December 2012. I couldn't believe my luck when I read that flag at the tram station. Deciding to save on that money instead, I walked home. See! Doing this saved me $3 in the end.

I headed to town later in the morning since I arrived at like 8AM at my apartment. With just one thing in my mind - getting the Crazy John prepaid so that I would be able to contact my parents and boyfriend, and friends too. Told to wait 30 min before I could insert the SIM card in, I waited, thinking that all will be fine. And so I bought a few grocery stuffs while waiting. When I tried to put the SIM card in, it could not be read!!! I went back to the shop and asked for help. The salesgirl told me that my phone must be locked. She was not going to refund me. "I wasn't even going to ask for a refund but whatever". She didn't know where to get my phone unlocked. In a state of trauma now, I didn't know what to do and I just subconsciously walked into Vodafone across the road. The guy was so nice! He told me he knew one nearby who could do unlocking of phones and directed me there. After speaking to the girl at the shop, I was beyond distraught to realize that I had to leave my phone there for 2 days. Then the change for the better came. She asked me which carrier was my phone locked to. I said Singapore. She said that was quite impossible because Singapore phones are rarely locked. She let me try out 2 of her SIM cards (SO NICE!!!) and when they both could work she told me it was probably a faulty SIM card. And so, I went back to Crazy Johns AGAIN. The guy helped me do a SIM swap and told me to put the SIM card in after 30 minutes and that the problem might take about 2 hours to be solved. Patient me waited for like 2 over hours at home because my frozen food could not stay in the open for too long. When 2 hours came and there was still no service, I went back down again. He tried and told me it couldn't be done. Thereafter, he said reception could be poor there and I should go out and try. After half hour of trying and an encounter with a begger, I went back in and said it could not be done too. Resigned to fate, I left after he told me to come back on Monday so they could request a refund for me when the manager was there. GUESS WHAT I DID. Yes, I refused to think it was my phone's problem and walked straight into Vodafone as if with some newborn purpose. Imagine my happiness when the salesperson heard my plight and inserted his own microsim into my phone. I have never been happier seeing the whatsapp messages in my phone. I spent over 30minutes in the shop and I left happy with a new plan (postpaid at that). There were no registration charges (YAY!) and although there was lesser data than what I could get with Crazy John, I am GLAD that everything turned out fine in the end.

Monday came and i went down to the shop again. The manager was busy :( and I was waiting there for awhile. The nice guy that helped me before told me she would take some time and told me to get some lunch before coming back. I decided to walk around a bit before going back again. When i went back the second time it was finally settled and my stomach was not that twisted anymore! (JOYYY )

Well, that twisted feeling could be due to my worry about not being able to finish moving by the time I am supposed to move out too. HAHA.

All's better now! :)

In SG :)

10 November 2012

Could not resist blogging since I am so so so bored in the plane. There is like another 3 hours. That means that I have endured a good part of the journey already. :( I have absolutely nothing to do. I thought I would have something to do but I realized that I do not have much. My handcarry bag is so heavy because of idk what. But it was very heavy. :( I won’t forget that my knees were SOOOOO tired because I stood there for a good part of the time so still that I did not move. To top everything off, I was standing in the queue for about 2 hours. I cleared the check-in only 2 ½ hours later. (and that was after I had done a web check-in. Can you imagine how long more I would have to stand in the queue?! I really got to thank my lucky stars for getting me to do the web check-in. Needless to say, my flight was delayed by an hour. I was honestly expecting it to be delayed even longer. By the time I cleared the check-in all I wanted to do was sit down and have my bagel. I didn’t even want to shop anymore.

*there goes last minute shopping*

Seriously, I was so tired that I didn’t even mind sitting at Hudsons Coffee & eating ALONE. I just wanted to SIT DOWN. Alright it might help that the café was quite empty. Hahaha. But I was really very tired. I kept complaining to Melvin and Sherman who happened to message me.

I think someone up there is training me to be more patient because I would probably have to queue this way in sg. *thinks about the supermarkets in sg* - a great reason to miss Melbourne. But seriously? Do it when I have someone to entertain me please! Not when I am alone and feel awkward and refuse to make any friends! :( then I went to check twitter and woohoo! My predicament was featured in the papers. Okay not really papers, but The Age reported it on their online paper. Apparently the system crashed for Virgin Airways (I think only domestic), JetStar (GRRRR), & Tiger Airways (no surprise for me – I am biased against Tiger for a reason; I was a very unhappy customer of theirs.) And so, it has to happen on the day that I decided to fly back home. Melvin’s exact words “You very heng ah” – what kind of boyfriend is this!

At least I am on the plane now and my flight is not cancelled. Gracious me, I think I would be so stunned, then scared, then upset, then I will start crying!

*such a bad experience for first time flying alone* - oh but think of the good side

- They did not bother to check my weight. I think they did but they did not say anything. Whahaha!

- They did not tear my ticket at all! Which means I still have an intact ticket yay!

- They were SOOOO polite and kept apologizing! i hate repetitive apologies, but when they are sincere it’s just so different! Then again, I’m biased towards JetStar :) If the same thing happened with Tiger Airways, I bet I would be sulking at them. Then again, I don’t ever throw tantrums when I am alone because I hate attention so I might not. “possibilities of cursing inwardly is another thing”

And everyone was like so nice. No one made a fit or anything like that. They were all patiently waiting. While I was waiting, I was thinking about what would happen if it happened in Singapore. Within half an hour I bet there would be complaints already. That might just be my stereotype formed. Putting things in another perspective, would the people here react differently if this happened in Singapore? Or would they conform to the society’s culture and do what Singaporeans typically do? Damn, stop thinking about psychology already.

I got the aisle seat! Thanks to web check-in, I can select my own seat HAHAHA! Have I listed enough benefits for people to do a web check-in? it is so convenient, takes up less than 10 minutes of your time, and can save up to 30-1hour or even more of waiting at the airport, leaving you ample time to do some last minute shopping, unless you are suay like me, who had a flight on the day when the system crashed. Even in such circumstances, you are in the priority queue because you did the web check-in! usually they open 1 counter for this queue I think, but today they opened 2! And since web check-in can be done like 48 hours before you fly, I bet everyone has enough time, even if you do last min packing like me,

I realized I can babble a lot when I am bored. I just typed so many words and it is only about the airport to the plane. I did not even talk about any other things.

But guess what, that was 20 minutes closer to Singapore already! HOHOHO.

And now I shall start blogging about interesting experiences

*warning! usually revolves around food*

1. I have been so out of touch with running man! Instead, I am catching up on Big Bang Theory, which is seriously hilarious by the way. And isn’t it so coincidental? They have a new season (5) like a few days after my birthday! HAHAHAHA. Shelldon is damn funny and cute. He is so anal that I find him hilarious. According to Freudian theory of development, it could be related to him not being able to transit into the phallic stage, which might have caused this ‘anal character’ of his. By the way I think Freud is a very scary person and I see his name everywhere.

Although I have not been talking, I am currently very thirsty! :(

09 November 2012

Ended paper rather early and I went to do some last minute shopping. It was so tiring. I had a headache at the end of it and I didn’t even want to shop anymore. This always happens to me. I really hate looking at clothes when there are too many, and none of them catch my eye. That is why I hate shopping – to some extent. Talk to me about baking instead please. My eyes will sparkle hahaha!

Met Melvin for dinner at rose garden after that! We haven’t been to that place for so long! I think I will miss Classic Curry Company btw. It is so yummy! Never knew I would like indian food HAHAHA.

I realized I cant blog now. Because Idk what happened. I have to look at the photos to decide what I had done on that day. Apparently my phone is idiotic. It was 100% and then got depleted like till 50 plus% but after I off-ed it and on-ed it again, it was 15%. Ah just as well, I don’t have network coverage haha. Oh while I was on the plane, and we were above the clouds, the clouds were SOOOOO CUTE! I totally imagined  Sun Wu Kong and those Chinese olden drama that starred deities lazing around on the clouds! SO FLUFFY!

And as I type this I am thinking of the cat on the marshmallow. How I said if I were small, I would sleep on a marshmallow and eat it when I wake up. HAHAHA I think it is funny, even if no one thinks so. 

I'm 21!

Definitely grateful for everything that has been planned for me.
I love celebrating birthdays, but i absolutely dread it when my birthday draws near.
the anticipation kills me.
i'm excited but i don't want to get excited because i am a firm believer of 'the higher you go, the harder you fall'.
and so i put on a front and act like i don't care so that i would really believe that i won't care. But the anticipation always sets in and so i end up getting so conflicted and annoyed with myself!
urgh!
what a torture!
to make things worse, things often pop up hinting that my birthday is going to suck. and i get super sensitive. a small little thing happens and i go. i knew it, my birthday is going to suck. it's so annoying i want to shoot myself.

and so anyway, lovelies celebrated my birthday for me, both from Singapore and Australia:) ♥

Met up with Jodie and Joy for dessert and this is what they gave me! "couldn't resist making this into the gif when i was given such an interactive card". and the card sort of describes what happened during my birthday LOL! i bet they gave me this lunchbox recipe book as a hint that i should start eating proper food during lunch. oops. so sweet of them though!

This came in the mail just a day before my birthday from Ashley! with a little cactus which i really hope won't die!! i can't believe that we've known each other for like 4 years? you're definitely one of the gems that i found from fish and co :) "don't regret working at that outlet even though it is so busy and sometimes some things happen to make us feel annoyed haha. So touched to see the 'i miss you!' at the first part of the sentence. and when i read the part where you said that distance really matters, i felt so sad. but then i actually felt so nostalgic about the times where we would just meet up randomly to chat or have a meal, or to study etc. it was so easy. and i'm so guilty about the 'not replying whatsapp'. I can't wait to go back to SG and spend some quality time with you!!! ♥

Poly Clique's messages to me:) came one day before my birthday too :) and i bet it's deliberate of them to actually find a card with a picture of a bird in front. I miss spending time with all of them! whether in a group or alone when we are just so random. :) Although our farmville seems to have grown and shrank and grown over the years, i still am grateful for knowing all of you! With all our different characters, it seems so unlikely that we would blend well together. Well, I'm glad we did! :D

and so this is how i spent a large part of my day - reading in a cafe along elizabeth street:) 

poor Melvin had to carry 21 apples to me at the cafe with a bouquet of flowers with strong wind. (because i was not supposed to be out of the house according to his plan) - too bad i always spoil plans. LOL.

arranged by YiJun - super sneaky of her to fb message Melvin. it would just be so Melvin to accidentally let slip that he received a message from YiJun. well, at least i didn't pry to see what they were gonna do so i was still surprised! "although i must mention that the 21 smth did pop up in my mind". YiJun, that's so you! HAHA! people say that i won't be able to finish the apples. i proved people wrong, the apples are almost all gone now. LOL! it's only been about a week. HAHAHA

Melvin came to the cafe to find me again after going back to put the apples down at my place, insisting that i should stay at the cafe and not move about. *sounds suspicious?* and so we went to have dinner together thereafter at this rather expensive Spanish place. the food's nice, but very pricey! tried rabbit burger for the first time! (even though it was like bite sized lol!) because it was a meat patty, i think i wouldn't know it was rabbit meat unless i was told what it was? it was like a mix between pork and chicken. and so we took a slow walk back home! 

along the way, Melvin kept messaging Jodie, thereby leading me to hypothesize (too much psychology in my mind, JUST HAD TO USE THAT WORD) that the two of them were planning some sort of surprise. it certainly didn't occur to me that they were already in my apartment! (and had decorated my room whilst i was having dinner outside!) *toucheddddddddddddddd. :)

and this was their home-made tiramisu for me! :) by the three girls ♥ we were chatting till quite late and i think the neighbors would be pretty annoyed with us but it was only a day! :) so sweet of them to plan my birthday :)

another one of the earliest presents i received by Sherman! so sweet of him to draw this! so touched leh! St Kilda's Sunset hahhaa. wouldn't have expected this actually! especially when he has all his projects due now!! 

and this is from Melvinnnn. so typical of him to buy me kitkat! "which is the reason why we started talking actually" LOL. ♥ although you are always screwing things up without knowing haha but that's just you! :) hehe. like i said, im a bad girlfriend who annoys my boyfriend and spoils his reputation

and while we were making a hell lot of noise, someone suddenly knocked on my door, making me think that a neighbor was telling us to shut up. but it turns out to be Hannah and Charles who just got back from their trip with chocolates and a cake! 

a few days later SuYin suddenly appeared with a present for me! totally unexpected! i was really super surprised that she went to get me a present because she doesn't actually know about my birthday. haha. :) so sweet of her! and she made a photo and pasted in the card too! ♥

another few of the early presents that i received through the mail! this time from Taiwan sent by Joyce who was there on a holiday:) wah i really miss the bumble bees. all our random moments and meetups. baking sessions, etc.! :)))♥♥♥

I think this is the earliest i received my present. I was surprised to see happy birthday actually and i went "it's my birthday already meh?". haha! With so many stickers which is absolutely can't bear to use! 

♥ all of you people who ♥ me! :D hahahaha im so narcissistic.