Cooking healthier!

So I previously said I wanted to eat healthier.

So darn difficult.

I think it's easy when you are living alone, but it's not easy when you are living with your family who has really different eating habits (e.g. eating at 8 plus 9 pm)

And so I downloaded a healthy recipes app on my mother's phone. It helped! She started cooking some dishes from there, and I would cook a dish or two when she was cooking while I am home.

Today, I cooked this potato dish with carrots, beans, and eggs. I really like this dish after I cooked it while I was in Melbourne. The eggs were runny, and when you break it and eat it all together, it tastes so awesome! Alas, not a dish for my dad who loves Chinese food.

Just a rant

I just turned 23 a while back.

I love birthdays.

But I absolutely hate my own.

Whenever my birthday comes around, I build a barrier around me and there is this ironic feeling within me. I want to feel like I'm the most important person on that day because it is my day, but I have a lot of people around me making me feel like I'm not worth it.

And this sucks.

I hate feeling that I'm not worthy. And so, over the years, I found it easier to not give a damn about other people's birthdays because if I didn't care about theirs, they can don't care about mine and I don't have to feel so upset when they forget mine.

I feel super mean about it but I don't exactly enjoy broadcasting when my birthday is when it is coming.

And I honestly don't know what feels worse. People sending me birthday messages after my birthday when they see pictures of celebration or people totally not sending the messages at all. Because I feel sucky all the same.

I don't get it, I really don't. It makes me question who I am to these friends of mine. Am I really their friend? Or am I just another person they can go to when they need help in their life and/or need a listening ear? Because I am really sick and tired of feeling this way.

I am sick and tired of putting everyone else before me and have their treat me like I have no feelings whatsoever, forgetting me when it's about me. Can my friendships don't be just about them but about me as well? I really don't want to have friends who can't be bothered about what is going on in my life. I have enough of feeling under-appreciated at home. I don't want my friends-those I choose - to make me feel this way as well.

If I really have to, I will move away and take these people out of my life, because I really have enough of feeling like this all the time.

2 over weeks after

I realised I never really got to talking about the 30-day challenge post-30 days.

I talked to a few friends about it, and this is the summary.

Before the 30 days, my fitness level was about 3/5. After the 30 days, its about 4/5. Why do I feel so? Before the 30 days, my push ups weren't in very good form and I can barely do 10. After, I could do more than 10 and my form was better. That was just one indicator though, there are many more.

I got into this challenge cos I was already doing level 2 now and then for the past 2 years. After coming back to Singapore, I hit an exercise rut. I blame the weather and my lifestyle. I like to exercise in the late mornings, but by 830 am, especially during this haze season, running outdoors can kill me. Running in the evenings is probably the best time for me in terms of weather but I usually have commitments in the evenings. I can't really bring myself to go to the gym in Singapore because, I really don't know why. Maybe they are just too crowded for me to go alone?

Back to the challenge.
Level 1 was easy for me. Easy, but I still perspired like crazy. It honestly felt good after the workout, but I could already do level 2 in the past, so I was getting a little bored after a few days, but I wanted to press on in level 1. When 10 days came up, I was glad. Level 2 previously gave me sore muscles the following day of the workout. As sadistic as I might sound, I was looking forward to it.

As expected, level 2 was still doable for me. In fact, the 10 days in level 1 must have prepared my body well. I did not feel muscle aches at all! This already made me feel fitter. It was more difficult though. I was excited to get into level 3, a little apprehensive, but excited all the same. I haven't done level 3 before, and I was worried about the sore muscles all of the sudden (gee I don't know why the sudden change; I think I didn't want to give up on a day due to sore muscles).

So level 3 came. In my opinion, it was freaking hard. After strength was cardio mixed with strength and then abs which sometimes had a mixture of strength too. The time seemingly passed really fast too. I guess I didn't pay attention to the time so much when I was struggling to hold my breath for more of the workout. Right till the last day of the level 3 workout, I was still unable to follow through all the way, I had to stop for about 5 seconds during the last (cardio) part. I'm going to make it my next goal when I next start on this 30-day challenge again.

Right now, I am taking a short break from HIIT and am easing myself back into my normal routine of exercise. That being said, I'm pretty sure I will still go back to do the level 3 now and then.

I didn't follow any diet plans. I find it a little tiring to stick to any diet plan in particular but I did feel a difference in the strength of my muscles. But my main aim was to get back into the exercise routine, so that was a minor issue. My diet did influence the strength I had to do my workout though, which is something I felt I had to pay attention to.

Count your blessings Wednesday

I'm extremely lucky. Despite what a lot of people say about how Melv is lucky for having found me, I think I am extremely lucky to have found him. Because really, I am the lucky one. 

I found a man who loves me for who I am, who renders me support when I need it most, who listens although he has an extremely short attention span, and he does all these unconditionally. 

He would have no complaints when I have to alter our plans just to accommodate certain commitments that I made. He patiently sits there on the day of his leave at my house, watching me assemble a last minute cake order. He listens to me when I am feeling awful or when I had a lousy day. He gives in to me all the time. He appreciates me, and shows it whenever he can. He puts me first in many decisions he make. He never raises his voice at me and always tries to understand me and my little imperfect ways. He remembers the things I say, no matter how insignificant they are. I don't know how he does it, but he does. Through his ways, he reminds me that I am human, and I can depend on him. I don't have to always steel myself and fight on my own. 

He annoys the heck out of me whenever he asks me endless questions that make me think so hard. He forces me to make decisions about what we would be going to do for the weekend or where we should go for dinner. He makes fun of me from the little things that he find out about me, but I wouldn't change him for anyone else in the world, because there will probably be no one who knows me as much as he does, no one who would put in as much effort as him, and no one who would love me as unconditionally as him.

And for this, I am thankful.