ke wu de ern

actl i already blogged.
but
i have to blog again, cos of this fren of mine
actl, he's not really a friend.
i think he is more of a monster.
or alien?
or vampire?
haha!

his fault, he called me names first ):

at first, i thought he was nice, cos he gave me a lollie.

but then....
he called me names.
okay maybe this time i started first.
but he usually is the one who starts it first.
and cos he was appearing offline talking to me,
i asked him why.
then it became "he's not talking to me"
when he suddenly online,
he act blur with me.
say he never talk to me.


XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:09 PM): LOL, EEE YOU. super mean can. just now u talked to me on msn lor, when u were offline
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:10 PM): huh?
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:11 PM): HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHASHAAHAAHAHAHAH
=P
juz kidding
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:11 PM): u are mean
*kick you*
cannot dodge!
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:11 PM): *ouch*
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:11 PM): :D
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:11 PM): =\
so mean
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:12 PM): awww
pain ah
hahahaha!
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:13 PM): sadist =[
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:14 PM): wo zhi dao cuo le
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:18 PM): haha
glad u noe
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:20 PM): do i get a reward?
LOL
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:22 PM): no
wad reward u wan??
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:23 PM): most retarded person reward?
=d
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:23 PM): ooi
call me retarded
who tell u im retarded

[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:24 PM): erm
yr actions lor
=p
=p=p=p
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:26 PM): u mean monster!
alien
or vampire
lol
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:27 PM): lol
vamipire coz of?
my display pic ar?
XiaoPei, the Random. hoooo ief says (11:27 PM): yes
ahaha!
[c=10]Siang Ern[/c] says (11:27 PM): lol
knew it
simply retardedness
=D

-----------

and so you see,

he is mean.

DEFAMATION COMPLETE! (:

#208

yu loon: you take care of urself too okay! (:
ashley: i knw YOU miss me =)
wenyi: hahaha, tht was just a random fly by thought! i know you need me so i wont die. LOL!
YIANPING: haha, i'm okay alrd. (: i dun need you. but i dun mind sk's treat! LOL

aahh people,
i'm okay~
just lamenting la.
lamenting how come i feel my life taken so lightly.
but thanks for all your concern (:
its nice to knw there are people out there :)
thank you people! (:

25 JANUARY 2010
feelings during start of the week in school was rather mixed.
haha,
you know what i mean if i say smth like
"its like giving you hope and crushing it in your face"
actually i am not really affected by it.
just abit maybe.
i'm talking rubbish.
anw, project after lecture,
and then we went to eat lunch
and i went home! (early for once)
then when i got home, sister said she wanted to go heartland mall.
she said it will be a fast one.
i believed her.
and so,
we went there.
she spent alot of time there can.
then in popular, i dk why i suddenly wanted to read confessions of the shopaholic.
actl i wanted to read it and watch the movie a long time ago,
but i just didnt have it in my bone till i picked up "Cleo"
PS do you know they initially wanted to name "Cleo" "Blackie" too?
and in the end i had to cancel meeting yeesiew at compass point because i knew tht i couldn't make it.
so after telling ys i will meet her online at 10,
i told mum i wanted to eat mini melts. *YUMYUM*
dun talk to me abt price.
i like the ice cream, so i dun care.
okay maybe i do..
but consider the fact that i have not touched ice cream for a long time.
lol.
and i went running with sister after that.
my timing didnt improve.
its still abt 16 min.
i dun exactly like that. ):

26 JANUARY 2010
school finished at 4pm.
all tutorials ended late today.
AAA end late,
SOM also end late.
okay not exactly late,
more like on time.
and i'm super not used to it.
haha!
i went home after school because ly needed to go see doctor~
i dk if it was a jam or what.
i reached home quite late.
initially wanted to go run with sister but then i was tired and i went to sleep instead i think. haha

27 JANUARY 2010
i was abit late for ief tutorial
Result= Miss Koh: "You would have to come up again" something along that line.
and because Ly asked a qn,
she was dragged down too.
haha.
sometimes i wonder, my participation marks would be zero if i were early/on time.
but other times i would hate myself for being late.
i hate being late. lol. im talking rubbish again.
marketing lecture was kinda funny because she was going thru past yr papers and i dk anything abt it. =X
then went to do project after lunch.
met Ly they all for "study session"
and then met ys for last min revision before speaking test!
*shudders*
jap is over :)
prepare for 201.
LOL.

28 JANUARY 2010
No school today!
and so,
met women for mini movie marathon.
oh boy i always wanted to do this!
;D
we watched it's complicated and tooth fairy!!
and maybe sometimes, its okay to dream i realize.
haha!
and so we had astons for lunch and we popped by chinatown for porridge.
nice.
then we walked along chinatown,
and i saw the sparklers thingy.
and we suddenly bought that thing,
and poof!
we were at clarke quay,
and were playing with sparklers,
with people staring at us like we were some weirdos.
-.-

29 JANUARY 2010
school ended after presentation.
haha
super weird to wear formal because its the first time for the whole sem!
went to lib to "study" for awhile,
then headed to canteen 2 for lunch
and then home!
super tired for i dk what reason
and i slept all the way from 9.30 to 10.30
so cool.
i have never done that.

30 JANUARY 2010
its been a long time since i talked to sy.
probably from the time he went into army..
LOL.
why the sudden mention of this person...
cos i was surprised to see him online when he shld be in army.
then i realized it was sat.
haha.
and surprisingly,
he has a good life in the army.
unfair like anything.
and so our msn chat suddenly became a voice call and we spent about an hour talking about food.
he was coughing quite badly
and he came out with this theory
"cough until i can see my six pack"

and i might be mean to say this,
but u deserved it.

bits and pieces

gone are the days where i can actually sit down and listen to all your problems.
because i am sick of all these.

i want to be happy,
i want others to be happy too.
but i always find myself sacrificing my happiness for other people's happiness.
is this fair?
shouldn't i be living for myself?
why should i bother about how you feel when you don't even understand how I feel.
does this make sense?
it does not, to me.

i don't know what came over me.
maybe i suddenly woke up,
or maybe i got tired of being there,
or maybe i felt needed only when you are finding a rubbish bin,
or maybe i wanted to be heard too.

why does things have to turn out this way i really don't know.
perhaps i'm in that mood again.

i just don't listen to my intuition.
i just like to go against it.
i never pick up hints i should.
correction, i refuse to believe in the hints i should.
i fight fate, lose miserably, and then,
not giving up, i fight again.

the feeling of having somebody there when you most need it,
the feeling of knowing that you would have someone there whenever you feel like crying most,
the feeling of happiness,
the feeling of never being lonely,
the feeling of being like a kid again,
the feeling of not being afraid of the dark because i know you will be there,
the feeling of not being afraid of cockroaches because i know you will catch it for me,
the feeling of relying on someone.
all these feelings left when you left.

i now find myself tearing when its dark and i'm all alone,
i now find myself crying when there is a cockroach at home,
i now feel so empty because it feels like a large part of me is missing.
honestly,
i feel i lost my soul.

i have never felt this way before,
but today,
when i walked on the road,
i suddenly asked myself,
what if a car came and banged me down?
i wondered for a moment.
though i brushed it off,
but deep down i know,
i dont feel anything.
what's wrong with me.
don't get me wrong, i'm not suicidal.
i just dun understand how lightly i have taken my life as time goes by.
growing up makes you lose sight of many things, doesn't it?

#206

22 JANUARY 2010
supposed to be a short day in school.
but it ended up as a long day walking around diff parts of sg
doing marketing proj stuff.
suddenly i felt like a real marketing student
i was trying out competitor's yogurt,
(without trying out actual product of company)
shit. i really need to make a trip down and take a photo of Yami.
why didn't i take marketing for year 3?
though the theory is really sian like anything...
at least the applications are fun.~
well, i can be sure of one thing.
u have to be rich to take marketing.
LOL

23 JANUARY 2010
today i went to rivervale plaza to study!
not very productive but that place is still as conducive~
study partner at RP still remains the same.
nothing much changed since the 'O's uhs.
LOL.
yeah right.
and so we studied till 3,
and we decided to go to hougang mall.
and there was pasar malam!!!
we ate the ice cream (not really ice cream. its the soft drinks put in one container then become ice de)
*yum yum*
i like pasar malams.
they're cool!
and while yijun went to trim her eye brows,
i went to the lib.
haha, ended up borrowing DIY stuffs.
typical of me, i knw.
and then we had sweet talk (strawberry ice blend without pearl :D)
we then bused to compass point.
then home!

24 JANUARY 2010
i told myself to go down to bishan even though i cant meet ashley.
in the end..
my body dun listen.
nose got so bad that i feel like chopping it off.
okay.
get happy tree friends out of my head.
ewwwww.
anw im sick.
and i stared at pmkt for REALLY long.
i just kept shutting the laptop cover over and over again.
i tried sleeping, drinking hot tea.
no use at all.
shucks.
at this rate,
i alrd feel like dying. ):
**please please please dun fall sick till i need a doctor ):**

random

super junior,
my antidote. (:

its not ecstasy,
in fact, it cures ecstasy,
at times,

haha

blackie

oh boy, this is the time of the year again.
the time of the year where i get irritated with everything.
perhaps because of that trigger,
i start to fall back to what i was.
i dont want things to go back to this way,
i dont want self despair.

losing something so important to you,
how could you find the strength to carry on?
how did I find the strength to carry on?
did you move on?
because sometimes when i look around my room, study corner, everywhere in the house,
i can feel you there.
but i have to accept the fact,
you are really gone,
and NEVER coming back,
even if you wanted to,
even if I wanted to.

sometimes i blame myself,
other times i blame others,
what right do they have to live so happily when my life was tumbled upside down because you left?
i never found the answer.
its not a lesson i should be given,
what had i done wrong?

and then i think about the times where you were there when i needed comfort most, you would come quietly, and just be there.
it was always you.

i never thought i would lose you,
and perhaps ur departure was so sudden,
up till today,
i still wonder, why?

the bond between us,
was it so vulnerable?
what did i do to deserve this?
what did you do to deserve this.
we never deserved any of this, which idiot decided that this was good?

i started falling apart when you left.
and i left for shanghai to forget everything,
but i was faced with the sadness even though i was there for 6 weeks, far from all our memories.
i cried whenever i was alone.
where did tears come from?
i seemed to have cried buckets of tears but they were just never ending.

my emotions got to a point where i felt guilty whenever i smiled or laugh.
you may have left physically,
but emotionally,
when i am tired,
i know you are there, comforting me silently.

perhaps after you left,
i started to think for myself.
selfless me started leaving.
i was changing.
i have to leave, people.
those who depend on me.
don't be too dependant on me, because i myself need to depend on somebody.

i told myself never to open up my heart again when you left,
because what was left of me was just a body without its soul.
probably no one would feel or even understand how things were back then,
but its a regret that i would never be able to forget.

#205

ern: yes got. and just now u even told me to go eat medicine for the mentally ill when im not even mentally ill!! ):
yijun: pessimistic about what ah? LOL
LY: ): why are u always so mean to me? *sniffs*

19 JANUARY 2010
School start so early today,
but end so late.
went to study at makan place with LY after sch.
ate subway cookies for dinner hees
for the first time ever, i was like really early for ief lecture.
okat maybe not really early but at least i knew i wouldnt be late,
i could take my own sweet time to walk.
lol.
20 JANUARY 2010
ief tutorial at 9 today,
jap test at 6 today,
in between is lots of playing applications my sister dled for the ipod
and lunch at makan place.
and then there was pmkt lecture that ended super early cos it was revision lect,
plus a bit of reading,
meeting yeesiew before test to study


i cried alot of times today,
the pain of losing you still just cant be erased.
and perhaps this pain led me to realize that

with love, pride is nothing. love can make the strongest fall because it leaves you when you have let ur guard down totally.

because of you,
i realized i can just cry whenever i wanted to,
thinking back to all the memories that are already lost in time,
i know you will never come back,
and as much as i hate to face it,
you are gone, and never coming back.
it's the first time i'm openly talking about losing you here,
and i doubt it would be the last,
because the moments are just too many
i dont need people to tell me that you are gone, and you wouldn't want me to be this way,
because deep down i alrd know, you are never going to feel this pain.
i hope you are happy,
and i will never forget you.

21 JANUARY 2010
no school today but i woke up at 8 plus.
whats wrong with me.
i only slept at 3am you know.
and i want to go running,
very badly.

random conclusion

chancing upon what happened then just made me feel like history was repeating itself.
some things just aren't meant to be.
well, dun ask about this,
cos i dun think i will talk about it.
if realizing so much about one person could leave you so broken,
would you still do it?

and i could feel the pain,
even though i wasn't involved,
i again felt the pain,
this sucks actually. ):

#204

15 JANUARY 2010
i was so tempted to skip school,
but there was proj consultation.
4E2 gatherign at night!
miss everyone so much,
though didnt really talk to them,
cos i spent all my time talking to huda
haha!
but its just different,
so happy seeing them after 2 years!♥

16 JANUARY 2010
bishan lib with ashley today
we were so unproductive.
because we kept talking about everything under the sun instead of our studies.
LOL.
eventually we decided to go budget meal.
not very budget in the end,
hello? this is bishan we are talking about seh!

17 JANUARY 2010
went to bishan lib with ashley and yijun today,
it was very cold,
lol.
and then!
we left early.
we wanted to go pasar malam de.
but then, ):
CLOSE LE.
just one day difference sia.
retarded pasar malam

18 JANUARY 2010 ♥
school ended at 11am today,
and it will remain like this forever,
at least till end of this sem,
so sian.
i dun like sia.
i like tue 11am start school.
now tue is officially my hated day.
):
even more tempted to not go school on mon,
ahhhhhhh
WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION?!
i said i will study,
in the end, i came home and sleep.
so retarded.
fate,
always with wrong people.
):

#203

yanling: this is my blog. i say no. (:
yijun: totally correct. LOL

been long since i updated ehs?
haha.

11 JANUARY 2010
after school got project.
then something happened and i was shocked.
ok not think. IS.
i cant remember what happened after that.
OH i remember now.
supposed to go out with mum but she say go home
otw home picked sister frm sch.
then slack at home.

12 JANUARY 2010
was just in time for IEF lecture.
i took the earlier bus.
i think i should take an even earlier bus next week. (:
then i can walk slowly to lecture.
LOL.
wanted to run but smth happened.
JY okay (:

13 JANUARY 2010
wanted to run today but smth happened.
jap test coming up le! (:
i dk why i am happy.
it doesn't really make sense sia.
104 is coming to an end.
yeesiew is my speaking test partner! =D

14 JANUARY 2010
i'm supposed to start studying.
my mind is stuck on the song.
haha,

i feel optimistic when i think of you,
but i feel pessimistic when i see you.

#202

ern: you're always like this! ):

09 JANUARY 2010
i went running before going to raymond's birthday chalet.
and as usual, i was listening to my mp3 la.
wasnt really blasting but cos i was using headphones,
so i couldnt hear my surroundings.
then this cyclist (looked like he is frm china)
rode past me and then keep turning back and stare at me.
with the why i so inconsiderate face
he stare at me 2 times.
and then i stared back at him.
he didn't dare to stare again after that.
YES, the lim xiao pei who said she should be nice to strangers stared at this rude stranger.
reason #1. why should i be nice to someone who stared at me?
reason #2. it's obvious i couldnt hear him, who can hear with a headphone?
reason #3. it's obvious he thought i would apologise to him if he kept making me feel uncomfortable. (sorry, u picked the wrong person. i hate people who stare. and i would make you feel worse.)
reason #4. when he stopped staring after i stared at him, i just feel he is a bully who should drop into a drain.

okay i can't think of any other reasons.
he made my mood damn bad.
i mean, if i know you needed to pass by, if i heard it, i would move to one side right?
but i didn't what.
it's not as if it was on purpose.
it's damn RUDE to stare at me like this.
and i hate people to stare at me.
i'm not an exhibit.
i just don't understand.
why am i so irritated?
because i had enough of china, and he reminded me of it.
SERVE HIM RIGHT.

and now the good mood part.
went to raymond's birthday chalet with ashley quite late,
then we left after they celebrated his birthday.
though very little amk people go,
but then we talked about super junior.♥
then novena people are really friendly.
keep talking to us,
and the funny thing was (i didn't realize till ashley mentioned it)
we didnt know their names but they know our names.
haha damn funny!
and cos my two frens didnt want talk to them,
end up only i talking to them...
._.
very poor thing right?
RIGHT.
and they keep asking me to drink
!!!
and we went home~ (:

10 JANUARY 2010
work started at 8am today because we had meeting.
work was relatively fun.
things should end on a good note. (:
and now i'm at home,
not jogging because of some reasons.
lol.

#201

yanling: lol. last year was just a few days ago wor.

07 JANUARY 2010
today was the day of madness.
i woke up and spent 3 hours packing my table (only to make it messier)
just to find a warranty card that simply cannot be found.
it's weird.
REALLY WEIRD.
all i found was the invoice.
and i went to collect my laptop with that.
and i managed to collect it,
HAHA
without having to pay $60.
"Xiaopei is a dodo bird :D"<<<< MY DUMB SISTER TYPED THIS.
and when i came back after collecting my laptop, i was doing som, waiting for som, editing som, and yes. i slept only at 6AM ):

08 JANUARY 2010
school was really a torture for me today.
because i only had 2 hours sleep,
i really felt like dying.
i'm just so surprised i didn't tell anyone anything mean,
cos that's what i usually do
=XX
then i went to vivo with LY,
cos she needed to repair her mother's phone and we started walking around.
haha!
and we went home after eating dinner.
oh oh!,
and after her doing ALOT of unglam things (that an auntie would do :D)

09 JANUARY 2010
RAYMOND's CHALET TODAY
happy birthday in advance! (:

#200

god. i cant believe i have been using this blog for so long. its already my 200th post!!
and officially the first post of 2010.

i told myself this year would be a better year because for one good reason. i think it already reached pit bottom and cant/shouldn't get any worse.
LOL.

hassssss: you right :D
LY: i forgot mah! where got memory to keep remembering LOL
yijun: yes, and i kept complaining about it. ._. so retarded.
yanling: what did i forget? lol?
ern: of course i win! i talk sense ma!
who thee?: yes! we are finally going to meet :D:D on next fri! :D:D
ern: u talking about memory? my memory is relatively okay hor!

31DEC2009
i spent this day with my good good good good (cant be better) friend.
HAHA!
this friend is ashley LOL.
and we loitered from town to amk.
we went to eat FISH AND CO!! :D
heh heh!
and i went to buy super junior magazine.
im crazy alrd. lol
and eventually spent the last moments of 2009 and first moments of 2010 under one moon among HDB flats in the middle of nowhere of AMK.
LOL.

01JAN2010
went to one mac in AMK to study and do proj.
not an ideal way to spend 2010,
but its the company that counts (:

02JAN2010
i think and think and think but i cant remember what on earth i did today,
and then i remember now.
maybe its cos of the trauma that i am trying to brush off. LOL,
met friends at cathay.
i was late! :(
and then we went to far east plaza.
okay, i know how to go to that place, its just that i forgot what mrt station mah.
then kena called noob ):
actaully we wanted to go to lucky plaza but cos i was late, other people went shopping first =XX
so why did we want to go there?
because my dear fren say there can play pool and she want to play pool.
you know what happened?
THT PLACE CLOSED DOWN ALRD.
HAHAHA!
so we ended up going to cathay to play pool instead.
i tell you. i play pool really CMI.
:*(
ern said he will teach me but i think he will start vomitting blood when he really see my standard. LOL
we later went to heeren the mac to eat.
and i ate the prosperity burger.
when tue came, i think i regretted eating that.
u shall see why later.
meanwhile, otw to meet my frens, i suddenly rmbed that i forgot to send my lame new year message to my frens ytd.
and i decided to do so.
the messaged was smth like "happy new year people! i know i cant be the first to send happy new year so i shall be automatic and be the last!" and then i ended it off with "My memory will get better! "
and i received some replies which i feel were super mean lor.
Ern: Lag lei u =P haha and i doubt it will improve lar. Yr memory.
Yianping: Haha. Forget say forget la. LOL. Happie new yr! Ur memory will forever stay at 52 mb. LOL.

never heard of better late then never? LOL
03JAN2010
replace ashley at work today cos she got proj.
P keep asking me to replace him but then i also got project to finish by night, so really cant.
then later JX also help him ask.
OH OH! and in the morning jx fried gyoza.
its nice de lor!
although i had sore throat didnt want eat at first but he say must eat so i eat.
and its nice!
aha!

04JAN2010
first day of school.
project after school.
and repair laptop after that.
super sian.
cannot stand the laptop. ):
upset about one thing, confused with it, forget it.

05JAN2010
i honestly think im going mad but im okay with it at the moment.
i like today for some reason,
but i felt retarded about something else.
i thought my ipod was spoilt and i kept complaining.
in the end, i realised it was not spoilt.
its just that it had no battery.
CONCLUSION: i was upset and depressed for nothing.
so retarded. ._.
in IEF lecture, lecturer was talking about beef being brown because it was their dried blood and all. IF the prosperity burger was still in my stomach, i guess the cleaners would want to kill me for dirtying the lecture with vomit. ):

06JAN2010
i dont like today for some reason but i should not be greedy right?
haha,
only one person knw what im talking about i guess.
LOL.
went to hougang mall to buy dinnner then go home.
i missed a big part of 9pm show, which means i only saw tarzen beating mountian wolf ._.
some fren of mine sms me to tell me that dyt said smth.
LOL.
RAR.
nvm lol.

07JAN2010
okay byebye! i want go collect laptop le!

for benefit of ashley :)

i came across this song and i really like angela's voice!! :)
there are of course other nice songs frm this album but i like this. LOL

我要你的 不是你所謂的愛 我付出的 對你只是空白 是 是我太習慣對你依賴
我的存在 從不更改 卻和你無關 我竟然 寧願 看不見你給的傷害
我 像一個小孩 你卻放任我離開 留下我在原地哭喊的無奈
我 愛的那麼明白 你卻笑著沒收我的愛 要我等待卻忘了回來

我要你的 是你說過的未來 可惜你做的 卻總是相反 是 是我太容易被你看穿
我的勇敢 我的心軟 全被你打亂 我竟然 寧願 看不見你給的傷害
我 像一個小孩 你卻放任我離開 留下我在原地哭喊的無奈
我 愛的那麼明白 你卻笑著沒收我的愛 要我等待卻忘了回來
你卻笑著沒收我的愛 要我等待卻忘了回來

YEAH 像一個小孩 都我沒有力氣再前進 你就能將一切重來
我要你的 不是你所謂的愛 我要你的 不是那些剩餘的陪伴
我要你的 不是也許或應該 在擁抱以後 決定看不見你給的傷害

我 像一個小孩 你卻放任我離開 留下我在原地哭喊的無奈
我 愛的那麼明白 你卻笑著沒收我的愛 要我等待卻忘了回來
你卻笑著沒收我的愛 要我等待卻忘了回來