faith,
lost.
you,
gone.

tagrepliesonly

Kurebiz`: u very tao yan lei i dun fren u le la.
yanling: yanling ah. dun dream le la. lol.
ern: bian tai de you. sian la. i wan coffee bean. HAHAHA. HOWS WORK LOL!
yuloon: updated!! alot alot! hahah
yanling: by the time u bring home, dunno whether it is a full jigsaw anot lol
yijun: haha, long update ma

#141

my beloved died on me.
TIME OF DEATH:
i love my beloved so much.
look what happened.
okay i occasionally would beat my beloved.
but thats because my beloved refuses to be obedient.
now beloved heart died.
ashley insists is my bao ying.
because i have been mean and bad.
):
oh well.
the heart is spoilt.
i have nothing to say la.
except that its dead.
and my xin die with it.
goodbye.
):

there are some things which should be left unspoken.
i shouldnt say it out.
i wouldnt say it out to you.
but i sould say it out here.
so that you will know
there is something i am hiding.
hiding something from you.
when i needed people most.
the person there was not who i expected.
the one i thought would be there for me is no longer there.
it is time for me to let go.
let go of our friendship.
let go of our everything.
no more meetings.
i am out of your life already.

a very nice song!

一个人背两人的债
别像个小孩
带着一脸的无奈
找不到依赖
事到如今
我要离开
好好站起来

不要再责怪
为什么从前不坦白
让你身边爱你的人受伤害

你是我一生的最坏
也是我一生的最爱
不能再照顾你的未来
我也要做的明明白白

一个人背两人的债
受多少苦我也能挨
为你跳进忘情苦海
死去再活来

何必太悲哀
多少爱可以重来
上天的安排
事到如今
怎样去改
不要再期待

对自己坦白
对身边的人都关怀
不要再让爱你的人受伤害

你是我一生的最坏
也是我一生的最爱
不能再照顾你的未来
我也要做的痛痛快快

一个人背两人的债
受多少苦我也能挨
为你跳进忘情苦海
死去再活来

最需要爱的人，往往都是那些在付出的人。。。

#140

another post.
i am dying to get this off my chest.

i dont understand why people like to say dun emo la.
WHO INVENTED THIS WORD?
what does emo mean?
does emo not come from emotional?
so how on earth i ask,
can you use emo to describe upset and angry or upset?
is there any sense?
i mean, emotional comes from emotions.
and emotions include happy angry sad ya?
SO WHY PEOPLE SEEM TO ONLY LABEL SAD AND ANGRY AS EMO?
i dun see people saying wah u so emo today ah when someone is happy.
i only see people saying
i dun like to see people emo.
OH SO YOU ALL DUN LIKE TO SEE PEOPLE HAPPY TOO.
i really dun understand lor.
im not against anyone la.
but i mean
it really dont make sense lor.

#139

finally a post after a long hiatus
of not knowing how to face the world.
my mind is still in blur,

22 JAN 2009
i cant remember what i did on thur.
went to school.
tired.
i did go to school right?
oh whatever.
I RMB LE.
i met joyce.
correct?
we went to rivervale mall.
had SAKAE SUSHI.
homed late~
she wanted to buy a shoe but ended up buying a pen.
so for CNY she wore a PEN instead of a shoe!
HAHAHA~

23 JAN 2009
didnt go for CATS in the early afternoon.
overslept.
went for S&W.
no energy at all.
totally no energy.
):
worked after S&W.
bombarded with questions of should i quit in my mind.
i dont understand why i want to quit
but
there is something that makes me refrain from quitting.
argh.
worked greeter.
mood even more bad.
cos the feeling of bu bei zhong shi zai ci zeng jia.

24 JAN 2009
i dun remember going out.
got la,
to buy dinner.
joyce working
as main runner.
actually i agree go there is cos i noe she working alone sure sian sian de.
if not i cook bei bei mian liao.
alot of dai ji la.
quarrels.
sian diao.

25 JAN 2009
CNY EVE
woke up got tv to watch,
but then cant really watch cos must do up the decorations.
i dun like to do up decor cos must climb ladder.
i dun dare climb ladders.
i am scared.
mum like dunnno like that.
sister see me climb can tell lor.
and i have a stupid friend who says no to helping me in CNY decor.
reason: NO MONEY DE.
he is a stupid money face fren. >.<
then at night go eat reunion dinner.
father side the guys only.
i really hate this CNY.
THIS YEAR LA. just to top it off.
nothing super good happened.
but a lot of super bad like shit things happened.
i already seen through some people.
if i start to minimise contact with you
you should get the hint.
super shit.

26 JAN 2009
CNY.
HAPPY CNY.
this year i didnt send out any greetings,
just a same to you la etc to people.
except for msn to some people online.
woke up with three sms all from naing.
lol.
he type xin wrongly.
go bai nian only at one plus.
this yr CNY not as much $ but okay la.
had dinner again.
i think their dinner always very expensive one.
we should have BBQ instead.
its cheaper.
and more fun also.
went to da gu house after dinner.
got madagascar 2 lor.
want to watch but grandpa not happy want to go home.
cos of some reasons.
this CNY is a disaster cos people keep quarreling.
my mood really down.

27 JAN 2009
went for lunch with grandma and grand aunty plus my cousin.
as usual he wanted his chicken backside.
super lol.
again quarrels heard in the car.
mother saying things like she rather she dont give birth to children.
its always the same line.
why cant out family be happy ~
)=
met joyce at 6.
an impromptu outing.
went to buy my sister a wallet.
she better study hard and not let me down.
OKAY!!!
its not cheap hor.
start studying already okays,
we had fish and co for dinner.
then made a din there.
that joyce.
haiz
then we ask herwan who working in the kitchen.
he suddenly scream and ask why
i shocked like anything dunno what to answer.
lol.
reason shall not be spoken here.
homed after buying apple pie for people's breakfast.

28 JAN 2009
OH BOY THATS TODAY!
wake up jiu not very happy le.
haiya
cannot sleep.
i pondering about something.
went to school for one over hour two lecture.
then mum fetch home.
sry yanling i cant pei you today!
)=
and i hope u like ur present! (belated la, heh heh) (= (=

#138

oh well.
i didnt talk abt today at all.
EVERYTHING THAT I HATE I COMING TO AN END.
WOOHOO!
presentation gone case la.
i totally never prepare at all.
lucky only 5%
i swear i can pass for bcomm
using marks for reports and all.
presentations ah.
spare me that.
i will die.
i got home after bcomm.
then i dozed off.
miss calls from people
haha i was sleeping sorry!
waited whole night for someone to online.
in the end someone was in sch so 11 plus 12 then online.
._________________.
i have been so whiny to people.
okay i thank all of you!!
(ALPHABETICAL ORDER)
ASHLEY - thanks for standing up for me, for knowing how i feel, for scolding with me, for lending me a ear, for BEING there
CHERYL - thanks for lending me a listening ear, i just knew abt it. stay happy kays! we'll be there!
DADA - THANKS for being my counsellor! (: for putting my focus back onto track, for pulling me from the edge. (:
ERN - THANKS FOR UR DRAWINGS! for the rainbow in the night, the funny pictures, the virtual hand for me to bite (: it cheered me up! *i seriously dk how on earth u draw so well.*
JOYCE - for trying your bestest to cheer me uppp, for being there, for meeting me at amk after work, for ur sms. i saw it. i just didnt want to admit it. i smile, YES I DID.
STUPID SIYUN - for making me laugh, for being there when i am super sad and feel like crying and no one is there. for being there when i am so super scared. okay, just for being there (:
QIANRU - i know you cant bring yourself to say mushy words to me, but i really felt that you are there (: and so thanks!
WEILONG - thanks for listening to me complain la. AND I LIKE CAPS LOCK.
YANLING - THANKS for listening, for giving me the support, without ur support, i wont go to school. im serious!
YIANPING - thanks for showing that someone cares, reads my blog, and actually comments
YIJUN - thanks for all the support, for listening, letting me go through this period of time, even though you yourself is stressed and going through tough times.
YULOON MUMMY - for listening, for letting me know that there will always be someone there for everyone (:

and lastly,
my project mates.
i caused a lot of trouble in the grp
thanks for enduring with me,
and giving me words of encouragement.

things will get better!
XIAOPEI GET ON YOUR FEET! (;
ern is PERSUADING ME to jump ship over to suki sushi.
damn,
im tempted.
really, TEMPTED

F&Co. you are no longer the same.
i wonder will i ever see you that way again.
Give me a reason why i should stay.
a good one that will convince me,

#137

yanling: LOL dun sad la *hugs*
Kurebiz`: okay its not over~~~

qn of the day:

WHY ARENT SMART PEOPLE INVENTING SOMETHING TO LET COCKROACHES STAY OUT OF PEOPLE HOUSES?!

ARGH.
some cockroach (ENORMOUS one) flew into my house at 9 plus pm and i freaked out like a crybaby. that just goes to show. i have not and will NEVER attempt to TRY to get over the STUPID FEAR OF THE COCKROACHES.

meanwhile, some smart person can invent something to keep cockroaches out of my sight.
like insecticide perfume or smth?
make it odourless to me but pungent to them.
they can die for all i care.
okay thts mean
but i really DONT want to see them.
>.<
i think maybe my sister is right.
i might have been a cat my previous life,
i can meow like a cat.
i even developed the characteristics of a cat.
A SCAREDY CAT.
next you will see a tail growing.
._.
okay enough of this.
im getting mad.
japanese 102 is like over for now.
im awaiting japanese 103.
As please come to meeeeeeeeeeee.
Ds. im not your mummy.
stay far away.
i did quite well for speaking test.
oh well.
i dont want to regret anymore.
i have been very down lately.
i feel like a roller coaster.
i hope its the end,
and i can enjoy a ferris wheel already (:
ESCAPE ANYONE?

I MISS GENTING THEME PARK TGTHER WITH BRO JOANNE & ERN.

#136

YIANPING: lol u missed the wrong lesson. really wrong lesson.
yanling: wth, i really dun feel like seeing the paper again.
yu loon: thanks (: i will. from now.
yanling: punches kicks and glares lol
ern: better already (: MAPLEEEEEE
yijun: thanks (:
ashley: ya super saddening. BOO~

now im in ITB lecture,
totally boring me.
i see the jap
i sian diao.
i surely flunk speaking test.
im dead.
okay dun talk to me in jap.
i feel i am not fit to speak in jap.

#135

update on recent events.
im not a quitter.
but,
the feeling of quitting this job, this course, this everything
is recurring my mind.
endlessly.
it just boils down to one fact.
the people i need support from.
never give me the support i need.
i dun even want to mention who.
im too tired already.
im sick of the endless quarrels with you.

anyway
friday
s&w was alamak sian la.
no energy to do anything.
then CATS just as dk what to say.
worked at semb later on.
opening!
haha.
get to work with ALR again,
its far.
but i didnt mind it.
late in going home.
alot of hq people there.
then two big ren wu sit at my station.
sian diao la.
i didnt even noe they are da ren wu until cloud told me.
then i still HUH
oh well.
anyway,
got hme at like 12.

SAT.
worked both places.
morn work semb.
night work amk.
semb quite stress.
cos cannot drink water
cannot this cannot that
sop diff also.
go back amk relax alot.
but then see some people sian diao alr.
at least CAN DRINK water la.
then idk how to go back amk frm semb.
i forgot its also red line.
then in the end go back to amk with brandon
reach amk.
i dk why.
but M like very pissed off with semb.
i go there only he say what semb suck
then ask me like 3 to 4 times how is semb.
got chance only ask me how is semb.
then heard smth that made me very angry and disappointed with someone.
as in
REALLY UPSET

disappointments are big.
sometimes,
things just have to happen for you to know people true colours.
im not going to mention names.
i mean please lor.
if i was that important.
then it wouldnt be the same job you were giving me all the time.
dun give me the shit of we are training the new staff.
OR
the shit that we did the job well.
that is crap.
i dun believe and will never believe unless you show me the evidence.
if u want me to be understanding,
you have to be understanding too.
if not.
FORGET ABT IT
there is a reason for everything that i do,
you just chased away a staff you 'saw' as senior.
like it or not.
friday is the last day i am working for you all.
unless circumstances force me
dun expect to see my face again.
i wont work for any outlet
i dun want to get ric into trouble.
in fact i feel like asking for replacement on fri.
go train ur new batch of staff happily.
GOODBYE.

SUN
no mood.
fell sick
idk why.
but i hate it when people use the same font and color as u

#134

after 5, oh no, 6 hours of madness in fish and co.
endless smiling to customers.
creating jokes for myself to laugh at.
laughing at what people do.
accompanying joyce to eat dinner at mac.
going home late.

i hope i have calmed down already.

i dunno how much time i need.
but.
i really want to get over this.
i thank everyone who has been there for me.
i know you guys can be there.
its whether i want to open up anot.

anyway,
today

went late for class.
somebody's fault.
anyway,
got to class.
wanted to listen in obse.
my mind wasnt there.
dada was providing me with a counselling session.
thanks for being there!

i didnt reply joyce sms.
probably cos i wanted to tell her face to face when i could.

then had bcomm.
yl say my idea ok la,
except for first one weird weird.
so i think can ba.
i dk i sit there fa dai for what.
then my mind drift back to jap~
then i pek chek already.
its over already.
why the hell am i still harping on it like nobody's business.
why the heaven i am wallowing myself in self pity.
probably cos it meant so much to me.
then i got angry with myself
and submitted the paper and left.
yl came to find me.
i got cheered up (:

then i went to workplace and started doing project.
i saw alot of new people today.
and they so many look like someone i know.
so at first i thought i know them
but its not.
sian.

today PK do manager alone.
qiang ah.
i did greeter.
ashley tell me.
really is when u dun want greeter u will suay suay zhong greeter.
I AGREE.

anyway i talked to ashley alot
by the time i met joyce.
i have no energy already.

work was quite fun la.
just tht PK reminds me of R*****i alot.
oh well.
alot of things happened at work today but im doing proj so byebye!

a better xiaopei signs off (:
all the tags on my tagboard are greatly appreciated! THANKS!

#133

i thought i could do it.
i really thought i could.
but.
the moment i saw you guys.
i just wanted to cry.
i didnt want to talk at all.
because i felt like crying.

i have never felt so down before
i noe its my fault.
i should have just said i wanted to study my jap.
now its really over.
i always ranked jap over project.
its so important to me that i am now
so sad.

i didnt mean to keep quiet
but
i felt like crying many times over.
i lost the sense of speech.

i.
never thought there was something
worth my fighting for.
till jap came along.
i pinned my hopes on the jap trip.
but to go t the trip
you have to get a B and above.
jap is getting tougher.
its no use crying over spilt milk.
but i still want to cry.
i am so drained.
so very drained.
and yet.
i cant do anything .
i wont do well for speaking test.
tht is for sure.

i dont want to give up.
but.
circumstances are pushing me to the edge.
and im already on the verge.

i need some time alone,
really alone.

anyway

thanks ern for the rainbow in the night! (:

im on the verge of giving up.
i need some support.

#132

yanling: u cry for what? lol no hug la.
L. JOANNE: DYT wants me, and i ONLY want DYT.
ern: i think only can like tht lor. for my DYT~ hahaha
yijun: no problem!
Jan: hahaha, i seldom talk to her one la.
darren: lol. thts impossible
YIANPING: alot of things, anyway, tennis was fun lei, hahaha

things should be getting into place now (i hope)
this week please pass quickly.
my life to get back to normal

#131

sorry people
but
i am not okay.
and i doubt i will be
during this short period of time
i am just so very tired.
i dunno what to do, where to go.
i will reply your tags soon

perhaps,
i just need a time off
which i will get, after wednesday.

work yesterday was fine.
okay not very.
i had to try to bring up the mood of myself and joyce
we were both trying.
but
its hard,
very hard.
we both felt like crying and we even went into the toilet to cry
she said no.
i was upset not only because of that.
isnt it funny that people can be happy at one moment and glum straight away?
well, we did just that.
it shows nothing is impossible.
i really have got nothing much to say about everything.
i noe we caused alot of trouble yesterday.
well im sorry.
but
i cant control my emotions.
but i really dun like it when people PR us.

#130

work full shift today.
i dunno why i woke up so early,at nine plus.
okay maybe nine o'clock.
i have not been sleeping well.
really tired,drained.
heard a super bad news ard 12 plus.
really really sad.
almost cried
then before that already damn sad liao
i feel like
i lost a daddy
i want to go sembawang.
but
i dun think mum allow.
:(
i cant seem to discuss anything with her because she might get angry
i felt like breaking down alot of times today
honestly,lucky joyce was working
and lucky M was working, for one period of time.
lucky my mind still can think of things to laugh at.
i forgot to take a photo of the "joyce" set
its super funny.
it just proves that joyce does not write PROPERLY
sauce can become joyce
i almost cried during break
then joyce started laughing suddenly
and i saw M in the server uniform
i burst out laughing
whatever it is,its super lucky that he forgot to bring his manager shirt
HAHA!
and he kept asking
very funny meh
and he is sarcastic
he says i wear spectacles because i write so small.
his handwriting very big meh
no lor!
and i today the handwriting
double usual liao lor.

right now i still feel like laughing when i think about it
just tht i lost the energy to laugh
and joyce keep acting cute.
super cannot tahan can
miss the times where the three of us work together
):
then joyce do greeter
never get a chance to talk to her la.
partly cos i doing my own stuffs also
did station B in the morning and A at night.
but feel like i doing main runner and A + C at night
at first doing main runner cos the runner not here
then A
then dk why my station suddenly red at A and C
alot somemore
then alot of big tables
i always missing frm my station
got new greeter today
and i notice something
cherry give us shift right
i always doing the same thing in her shift.
can become robot liao
so super boring

people dun need care and concern
when things blow out of proportion
because once words are spoken
the harshness is felt
sadness prevails
and the world comes crashing down

is it selfish if i say it here?
i finally understand what people mean by
drowning themselves in their work

#129

okay school was short today.
sorry people i am really drained lately.
ever since i know that school is going to start i feel drained.
i have been impatient and all.
i am only maintaining the same me when i am with close friends or people who make me laugh.
a lot of people dun fall in these two categories, so yeaps.
so dun think i hate you or anything.
its just that i am really in no mood of telling people some things.
mother ask me go NJC with her today,
cos she want me help her with stuffs.
its a real boring place.
then help her help till four plus.
i didnt eat lunch
then gastric pain.
then she dk
i dun want tell her also.
then come home rush
change clothes go out liao.
cos replace ashley at work today.
work today quite fun la
though tiring.
go work mervyn suddenly take out a viewty stylus.
BLACK ONE LEI.
walao la
i so tempted to take
lol
but then cannot use
take for what sia.
i now then noe the F480 is must use a special kind of stylus
got heat one
i dk what mervyn put in his brain.
he like noe alot.
he even noe where to buy it
sim lim square
but expensive.
then i think dun want le.
lol.

then work with a lot of familiar people that i didnt see for a long time alr.
i like becoming a hazard.
i think i too tired le.
i stepped on mervyn shoe today
then i scream
he imitate
._.
then i going to station A
he coming frm station A
i go right he go right
i go left he go left
we did this for alot of times.
then i give up and ask him where he want to go lol.

i think mervyn work foh very high.
he shld work foh more often.
then people wont be scared of him already.

someone was very nice today.
i dunno why
maybe she in a good mood or something
but like tht better.
then i will not be so sian also
oh well.
im quite sad abt something. but cant say out

#128

yanling: YOU ARE NOT NICE. stop lying.
jingz: LOL u are crazy.
yanling: relax la, those not high marks. jyjy ba
L. JOANNE: eh that was mean la. dun like that can.

bcomm.
eh here damn sian can.
really very sian.
i just realise hor.
i like DYT long before little nyonya.
peopl watch tht show then like him.
LOL
i want buy the show but 50 bucks sia.
tht is like buying a hk show.
plus.
if i buy so exp de
i think will really be like what sy always call me.
siao siao and mad.
AHHH SHLD I BUYYYYY.
super sian diao
shld buy
shld not
shld buy
shld not
shld buy
shld not.
ok i shall end off my endless alternate questions.

7 feb, yijun performance,
12 bucks.
there are two timings.
3 pm and 8 pm.
who want to go please let her know!
limited tickets!
(:

yijun no need thank me for the free advertising.

i think i will fall for no one except DYT

#127

now is ITB
its boring.
back to no life liao la.
unlike some people.
still have holiday.
or still waiting for o level results.
super unfair can.
why jc open so late.
>.<
got back itb results.
okay la.
got pass.
never study also can pass.
i think i very lucky.
anyhow bai also can pass.
that means i talk logical rubbish.
LOL.
i noe someone will say rubbish here.
SHHHH.
im bored.
i haven watch BOLT can.
stupid joyce de fault.
this weekend working whole day la.
sianned.
IM BORED.
intervals of post would have IM BORED
lol

went out with joyce to marina ytd.
she didnt find anythign there.
then went to suntec in the end.
she foud what she want
and we ate pepper lunch.
mother called.
okay i dun wish to explain the details.
make me pissed jiu dui le.
then we saw jiaxin.
then pei joyce wait or bus.
she go off first.
then i waited for them standing for like half an hour.
I AM NOT EXAGGERATING AT ALL.
if i exaggerated it would be one hour.
anyway.
bought donuts.
i think i dun like donuts.
cos when i brought it home and looked at it
i was thinking.
everyone else can have it.
. . .
my money~~
didnt maple for quite long alr.
sian

okay 3rd of JAN.
very sad today.
ric leaving AMK outlet le.
and rinaldi not allowed to come back to AMK.
why HQ so heartless de.
idunderstand.
ming ming one want go tht outlet and another wan come this outlet.
JUST SWAP LA.
why cant.
super dun understand adults.
cannot stand them anymore.
exams coming?
sianned.
projects datelines are nearing too.
and im still.
dun want say.
work was okay la.
but quite tired.
i think not enough sleep
cos the nigth before stupid sy showing me funny vid.
then i keep watching never sleep.
then he show one i dunderstand de.
oh well
quite sian lately cos i noe sch start le.
my temper also not as good.
dun try my patience.
its thinning out.

#126

i was online staring at some stupid homework.
when sy face suddenly pop out

what he said is really sweet but i shant post it here.
all i can say is,
he is a really really good good fren.
i found a good fren.

i havent finish.
at first he is nice,
then after that
fox tail come out liao.

XiaoPei, the Random.: IM NICE!
FARthots in Precious Thots: rubbish
XiaoPei, the Random. EH!
XiaoPei, the Random. u then ah!
XiaoPei, the Random. /bish
FARthots in Precious Thots lol
FARthots in Precious Thots a bit only la
FARthots in Precious Thots haha
XiaoPei, the Random. u where got abit mean only
XiaoPei, the Random. u are very mean
FARthots in Precious Thots dun care u liao
XiaoPei, the Random. eh how can u like tht
XiaoPei, the Random. we are supposed to be frens,
XiaoPei, the Random. GOOD FRENS!
XiaoPei, the Random. GOOD GOOD FRENS
XiaoPei, the Random. >.<
FARthots in Precious Thots bla bla bla

SEE.
he is not tht nice after all.
so dun trust him lol.
oh well.
enough of defamation.

joyce gave me this link.
i think its sad, but really nice to read.
is there someone like tht i know?
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/coolshark/18399467

#125

FIRST OF ALL,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

this is the start of 2009
spent the last few minutes of 2008 with my sister and the first few minutes with her too
at MARINA BAY.
we had passes there,
so yeaps,
its better then vivo's one you can say.
its more like a concert,
more glam.
the bad point of it.
NO DYT.
oh well you cant have the best of both worlds.
there has got to be some day where i go perfectly random
and go sign up for the fan club.
you never know.
anyway,
nothing much done recently.
haven been working.
haven been doing much.
just mapling with sis and ern
i just persuaded sy to join maple bootes and he got bored already.
boo him
so low attention span.
LOL