#230

hha im just here to mention that i'm alive.

(:

blogging soon,

Happy birthday joyce btw ((: (24AUG)

there are things we wont forget in life,

but we should be strong and make whatever sad become strengths to continue our journey.

"有故事的人才会创造有意义的作品。"

damn i cant exactly rmb what the zhong san long said to chen xinyi

but im sticking to it i dun care!

i ♥ ming zhong!!

#229

yes now is exam time, and that means incessant blogging.

(:

headed to AMKhub for Salt today.

totally random,

but it has been on the back of my mind for quite some time already.

headed off to bishan to study alone till 6 plus,

walked home from kovan station,

bought dinner home.

my right leg's in pain.

i dk why, ):

i suddenly miss people watching.

you know what exactly is the idea of people watching?

it's to watch how fast paced almost everyone is going.

it's for you to reflect that on normal days,

you're just like one of them in the streets,

rushing off to one appointment.

people watching is for you to slow down your life,

and appreciate the things that never came across to you as something great.

i need the lone time.

and i don't want to explain why.

#228

I'm not going to explain that I'm okay.

Just don't ask me.

Let me heal, I heal by writing.

this picture is mad cute.

life's been pretty mad and now that i'm starting to slow down,

i'm starting to not get used to it.

mad mad

i'm supposed to enjoy relaxation.

06 August 2010

and so the 4 of us met up to sing K and we walked over to bishan to collect our NDP passes ((:

The three of us then went back to AMK for Inception while ZY headed off to erm. i dk where. lol.

great movie actually.

everyone should go catch it ((:

we went to eat at Sumo House before the movie, niceeeeeeeeeeeee and cheap food i would say,

heh.

07 August 2010

my gut feeling tells me that i worked the whole of today away,

with my legs in pain.

yes the aftermath of not resting.

08 August 2010

Family lunch AND dinner.

gosh.

crazy right?

lunch at Shangri la was not bad actually (above average i would say :D),

but dinner at Jumbo was a tad bit salty plus the waiting time was...

accompanied aunt & cousin from France to Taka after that,

and homed! ((:

09 August 2010

NATIONAL DAY!!

and that marks the end of NDP 2010 ushering.

really glad that i made a group of fast friends that i know cherish all our moments together!!

and we can finally meet up after our dear QUEENIE has completed her 'O's!! JY QUEENIE!!

10 August 2010

yes i worked today full.

i was supposed to people watch during my break but yijun came to accompany me, ((:

and i saw my cutie pie volkswagon car ((: X 1,000,000

work was quite alright i guess haha

11 August 2010

We're so hell of the random.

met yj and zy for lunch buffet at CJ.

haha!

i skipped my dinner and breakfast for this.

LOL.

nah, not on purpose skip one.

and one of us (NOT ME) said "after lunch we should go sing KBox"

and that was where we ended up.

NO STUDY.

goshhh.

it was raining heavily in orchard.

we ran to cine.

IN THE RAIN.

we are super cui.

moral of the story"if your bag is big enough, bring an umbrella"

really, we do the weirdest things!

i went jogging at night!! weeee happpy me! (been ages since i jogged)

12 August 2010

met wy, yw and his friend nicholas for Kbox today

we went to have astons before that.

it was fun, haha!

though its 2 continuous days of singing!!

my money is all flying to Kbox. wth!

13 August 2010

work today,

it wasn't super tiring.

In fact, i felt quite free.

My partner at night said the same thing haha!

the rest of people in the shift were a different matter.

sis came to find me after study i guess,

and we went home together. (:

and there was this stupid table that left so late. RAR

14 August 2010

studied today!!

but halfway go collect yijun's phone

then went to clarke quay to find sis and her friend to study tgther before we went home.

and those crazy maniacs( sis and yj) went crazy over sticky.

aw comeon! it's been in sg for so long!

15 August 2010

Went to celebrate Alvin and Michael's birthday today!

omg i love them.

they are so uber cute!

i'll upload photos soon ((:

♥ THEMMMMM

there was this clown magician that i swear was super funny.

i really dk how he made those tricks.

its so cool!!!!!

went to find yijun to study,

but studied for awhile and i got dragged to kbox again...

lol.

alson came to join us but i think he had sore throat.

16 August 2010

spent the day at ACRA with mum.

i'm gonna change my phone in about 3 days.

no iphone, no galaxy S, made up my mind alrd.

its gonna be Motorola Milestone XT.

maybe i got influenced by dylan from fated to love you,

and i only have eyes for those that are bu qi yan and maybe after i buy it, people will start buying it. LOL

whatever,

its a good phone. i trust my judgement.

17 August 2010

studied with wy and sweemun came to join us shortly after.

then we walked around bishan for awhile before heading off to home.

WY DIDNT DRINK KOI TODAY.

its a miracle! (:

went jogging after that,

(:

#227

When i thought that everything's been healed almost completely,

i'm hit with the insight that things are never as they seem.

It's been over a year.

To count exactly, it's been over one year, two months and twenty two days, which makes it 448 days.

And I ask myself,

Is that amount of time not long enough for me to heal?

What can this memory of yours do to help me live my life in a more complete manner?

It's a vicious cycle.

I just don't know how to face facts that I've got to move on.

I stubbornly hold on to that memory,

even when i know that it only causes me deeper pain as time passes.

Blackie, when i saw the cat of the same physique, same fur color, same shade of eye color,

I smiled.

When i saw it chasing a cockroach running around me, i smiled too.

That moment was short-lived.

Because when i noticed how similar you were to that cat, i broke.

That same feeling of assurance that only you could give me.

Like a lost child who lost tries hard to remember where she should go.

I can't help but wonder.

If everything around me was still the way it was when you were around,

would i have looked at the cat differently?

I figured that i would go home smiling and telling you how similar you were to a cat i saw downstairs,

and maybe that cat was your mother.

I would be telling this to you, happily.

But you're gone, blackie,

and you're not coming back anymore.

It's been umpteen times that I'm telling myself this but

its just that now i know that I've always missed you,

i've lost my sense of directions again.

I've always hated myself for allowing myself to place my projects over allowing me to heal completely from losing you. If there weren't projects, and there weren't people who pushed projects to me, and if I did not put on a strong front to pretend that I'm fine, maybe things might have been different. Maybe people around me would have done how lost I was and they would leave me alone for as long as I needed. Maybe you would say that it is just me shirking my responsibilities, but you are not me, and will never be. You can't understand the hurt that I've went through.

I hate being strong.

I'm just going to crumble down this time, curl myself and cry.

argh im not as nice as i look like people.

don't get cheated.

#226

once in awhile, i like to sit down wherever i am and just think about the going ons in my life and what has been bothering me.

you know what people say about others moving on?

i do know the feeling of being left behind all of a sudden,

i do know the feeling of leaving people behind.

but i guess i don't know the whole feeling of someone being left behind yet.

is leaving people around you behind due to certain unsaid/unwritten reasons wrong?

I've been thinking a lot recently, while taking buses alone, while waiting for people around me. These pockets of time just seem to fill my brain with lots of ideas. I've been very busy, filling up my life with all sorts of activities, and at the end of the day, i question myself. what do i want to get out from it? am i really enjoying all the things I've been doing, or am i just doing everything to stop myself from thinking so much?

blackie's been on my mind quite a lot lately. perhaps it's due to the fact that my thoughts would somehow trail towards the question of "would things be different if blackie was still here?" what exactly is my regret towards blackie? i figured that apart from the very reason that i blame myself for her death, i just miss her. there's no regret for me to speak of because i feel that i have already done so much with her throughout her life. and yes people, i don't talk about it that much anymore, but i do miss her.

and now i talk about regrets. we hear this statement from so many people around us. "Cherish what you've got before you lost it all." We humans just don't learn. We leave room for regrets, we hurt what we love most, and regret when we lose it. Perhaps we should start noticing that it's these regrets that make us feel human. We all make mistakes, we might or might not learn from them. Perfection itself is an imperfection. When does one person yearn most for perfection? I don't know about others, but for me, it's when one is feeling most vulnerable and alone. That's possibly when that person's inferiority complex is at its highest? We need the perfection to keep our confidence level high. This plan backfires, because perfection is unattainable.

And yes, i am a perfectionist, when I am feeling lost, and alone.

I've got to start living,

with or without you people.

#225

HAH!

i'm back again!

school is unofficially over for this term already.

and this brings me closer to the period of time that i can do what i want ((:

i'm actually dead tired from my napfa ytd.

okay actl i tried to act smart.

tue went to do a trial for my napfa,

then go play ard with the fitness corner.

so now tht napfa is over...

(((:

PS i swear my classmates are freaking FIT.

27 JULY 2010

okay today marks the end of JAPANESE!!

at least for this semester...

haha.

i've one last semester left,

SO I BETTER BUCK UP DURING THE HOLIDAYS. (:

speaking test was kind of dreadful.

so worried!! :X:X

but i had a good partner ((:

28 - 30 JULY 2010

projects?

i think that's wat i did...

maybe?

haha

[OH 30 JULY had family dinner with aunt from france ((:]

31 JULY 2010

NDP Preview today!!

i love my group!! ((:

went to collect uniform from LY before the show

heh heh,

i swear i looked like a clown.

and when we took photos with the PRO,

they said we look like red hill.

kind of true....

01 AUGUST 2010

workkk!!

went to orchard central during break to study.

not very productive for me actl.

maybe cos i just want a break.

haha!

okay EXCUSES. ):

02 AUGUST 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEE MUN!! ((:

submitted WISP reflection at 5.03pm cos some idiot printed things for about half an hour!?

macflurry sia.

joined yijun, jocelyn and alson to study at AMK hub after that,

i swear i'm tired.

wonder why..

03 AUGUST 2010

freak,

we are damn bloody hell random.

yijun and i went kbox from 2 to 7pm

crazy nutcases i would say.

we're mad.

went to trial my napfa after that

04 AUGUST 2010

muscle ache, i'm serious.

dk what happened.

too long never train or what?

yijun came to my hse to print stuff for bcomm,

omg sparky didn't bite her sia.

ahhh my dog so cute.

i like to bully her.

hehehe

met ashley for fish and co

OMG SHE TREAT ME TO DINNER LA

*guiltyyyyy*

THANK YOU WOMAN!! (((:

05 AUGUST 2010

NAPFA today,

nah i shan't complain or be too happy abt my results~~

kbox with the girls after that.

but doggone it,

i was so freaking tired. )):

06 AUGUST 2010

THTS TODAY!!

going to go kbox and watch inception today with YJ, LY and ZY!

all their names got Y de. ): only mine got XP so weird. ):

yayyyness ((: