#271

been long since i actually managed to sit down and really start typing my thoughts.
i can't believe that i am really taking off in less than a month.
it still feels like a dream to me.
i still keep feeling that something will happen and i won't be able to make it there.
i have tons of random thoughts going through my head (negative ones in fact)
its like a mixture of trepidation and hope.
and these are two very ironic emotions.

i still have so much preparation work not done.
i am STILL stuck with the IDK WHAT TO PACK thing.
i still have the presents not done yet. well i started on it but progress is so slow i feel like killing myself.
i finally booked the bbq pit after a week -.- (never in my life have i gone through so many people and calls and trips to book a pit.)

i die a little inside when someone from my closer groups tells me they are coming only to send me a msg telling me they aren't coming cos smth cropped up in the end.
but i told myself the upside is "one lesser present to make".
i think it's really mean and i might hate myself for that, but if they can't come for whatever logical reasons, my hands can't work for whatever illogical reasons.
fine, i'm disappointed and upset and angry and i'm throwing a tantrum.
LET ME THROW THE TANTRUM THOUGH.

mom had a minor stroke a week back. and then she keeps having emotional outbursts throughout the week till i am truly going crazy. she comments on every single thing that i do, well almost that is. she starts droning the moment i am awake and seriously i can't stand people talking to me when i am half awake because i will get a really throbbing headache and i will snap at people.

and i am not working this week. i feel so sian because that means i wont see MBIM. ahh the only little happiness i derive out of my boring life. but then again i might see mbim nearby since we stay so near. -.- but im pretty much cooped up at home this week. but i will die if i have to stay cooped up at home. SO I WILL FIND TIME TO STEP OUT. (to get things done of course. hahahaha)

i know i am starting to be a little illogical.

PS i think Say you like me by We The Kings very nice hahahaha