i should be posting those special things that i achieved in 2011 but honestly, i can hardly recall...
of course the most major thing that happened in my life in 2011 is the fact that i got my driving license.
HAH GOT EVERYONE THERE RIGHT?
kept it a secret for about half a year.
i can't imagine how on earth i passed. how on earth i actually got into the car for the first time is another mystery to me. the greatest mystery of all: how i continued on. This is coming from me, the one who came up with my very own theory of not trying for a license: panic attack when i hear a horn resulting in me accelerating and banging into the car in front of me. but driving is really fun. the learning is fun.
spent Christmas countdown with CJ people and a lot of people idk. Omo they were crazy. but i was filled with quite a lot of emotions, because one year ago, 25 December was the day my grandpa was cremated. Putting it this way, I still look back and miss him. I miss how he asked me how much I have saved up from working and if he could borrow money from me if he needed it, and how he laughed when I told him yes. I miss his laughter. I miss how he held onto my hand when we went out for family dinners. I miss walking slowly with him to the dinner table, sitting beside him or grandma so that i could pass them food when it came. I miss a lot of things, but i miss his laughter the most, because that was something that he seldom showed. And i'm sorry that everything could not end well, I'm sorry that he hurt so much during his dying days. I think i should stop before i start a waterfall.
Sometimes the promises we made just can't seem to be kept.
countdown with madgirls91 at orchard. we were more afraid of the sprays than anything else and we ended back at centrepoint macdonalds straight after the countdown. homed and i basically spent my new year at home sleeping for a good part of the day. and i haven't been watching running man for quite a few weeks alrd. didn't even download. i am so annoyed!
HAVE TO STOP WORKING AHHHHH.
oh and i really realize this thing about me: the people i start to notice are actually around me, i just never seen them before because i walked with my eyes on the ground. at least EC, MWS and MBIM was the case. hah me and my abbreviations.
and i also notice i hate eye contact with people that i'm not familiar with. shucks i dont know when did this start but i get very afraid of eye contact when i'm not shou, and then when people im not shou with talk to me i feel so rude cos i dont look into their eyes. its like i am afraid they will find out something if i look them in the eye. shit myself man, i cannot change my mindset and i dont want to appear rude!
please let me be in peace at least till i leave for Melbourne in about a month.
my heart pounded so much when i was asking about it all.
how much was known and how should i go about revealing it all?
would i eventually be the one who snaps that thread that we are treading on so carefully?
how much more hurt would i be able to hold on to?
what about damage control? what if something happens and i am not able to bring circumstances around? what ifs are the bane of my life.
it just pains me when we have came to this state, just because we don't care enough to make it all better.
and i am openly declaring i love robinsons for one reason. (:
yeah i'm a sucker who believes in fate.
i'm not talking about the little coincidence here though. HAHA
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