#216

i can't take this anymore.
when i look at myself,
all i think about is my messed up mind.
how can one person have so many feelings and emotions at the same time?

am i a low maintenance friend?
because you guys are making me feel this way.
i don't want to pinpoint who you guys are.
i guess you know.
but just in case you don't,
i guess i'll just have you know now.
after 18 over years in my life,
i'll just have you guys know this.
i'm sick and tired of being that low maintenance friend.
sick and tired that i'm an option.
sick and tired that you guys can just ps me due to some reasons that are 'unforeseen'.
sick and tired that i have to be alone when you guys have the others for company.
and even more sick and tired of broken promises.
and just because i don't mention anything about it doesn't mean that i never minded it.
don't say sorry when you don't mean it.
it takes the meaning away from the apology itself.

when i look back,
i know for myself.
i'm not exactly the most rational person on earth.
i do have my irrational moments.
perhaps this is the time that i'm being irrational,
but i don't wish to stop myself from being what i am now.
because this is how i am reacting to things happening around me.
i can't talk to you guys about this face to face,
because of certain reasons.
and i choose to write it here,
because i guess,
only people who bother will come here.
but yes, i am waiting for people to take the initiative,
cos i'm done with doing that.