xiaopei(:

i've always believed that you reap what you sowed.

that's logical right?

if you're nice, people would treat you nice.

if you're mean, people would treat you mean too.

this is still logical, and still applies... only to theory.

i don't think i'm a mean person.
neither do i think i have been fake or too self centered.

so why am i being dealt with this?

that's right.

i am hardly able to sympathize with anyone anymore.

don't even try comparing me with those unfortunate people in the third world countries because i'm not there. i don't know them. they don't know me either. but the difference? they have the worldwide coverage, i don't. you think people would give a damn about what is going on in my life now? yes, only those few.

and it's only those few who would be there.

the rest of you? go think about it yourself.

i'm done with giving a damn about you people because you don't really care about me.

since you hardly bother to be there, don't expect me to give anything to you anymore.

i'm tired enough trying to mend my own heart.

i can't be bothered with you anymore.

in Oct, i found out something that changed my life 360 degrees.

i'm not exaggerating.

in the same month, before i even had the chance to take a breather,

my grandpa and grandma were in and out of the hospital one after another.

my brother went into the hospital too.

grandpa had a bad fall and needed stitches on his head.

he was diagnosed with tongue cancer there.

grandma had samonella poisoning.

brother fell down while on bike and broke his ankle.

and then he is diagnosed with some form of disorder there.

when grandpa could be discharged, grandma was discharged.

when grandma was discharged, grandpa was admitted again.

for almost 2 months, i had to go through this.

and my other grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer.

before i had a chance to take a break from all these in the month of december,

i had a fall a week back.

my knees have been injured and has got worse from the constant kneeling every night.

my parents only found out about it a few days later.

i sprained my ankle.

my parents never knew it.

my grandparents passed away.

one after another,

in two days.

grandma passed away on fri night.

grandpa passed away on sun morning.

i cry almost every day, but so what?

i'm so bitter with life now.

today is the day of cremation of grandma, and i am not allowed to send her off because you are not allowed to go to two funerals.

that's right.

try being me.