A Year On.

I can hardly believe it.

It's almost a year now. It's been almost a year since I held her hands and realised that she was no longer breathing. It's a little over a year since my 'responsibilities' towards grandma halted. No more scheduling with the maid on when to wash her hair, no more accompanying mom to buy medical supplies that she would need. Everything just abruptly ended.

She was just lying there, eyes closed, like how she was many times when I visited her to wash her hair. She didn't look too different, but her hands were not warm anymore. She wasn't going to smile at me again when I talk to her. She wasn't going to know that I would be getting married to a man who would love me alot like she once said when she was admitted in hospital many years ago. She wasn't going to tell me random stuffs that momentarily stunned me.

She wasn't going to wake up.

I wish there was a way I could erase the memory of grandma slowly feeling cold as I held her hand.
I wish people around her would remember the things that she did for them and not the things they did for her.

On days leading to her death, I saw a lot of things.
On days following her death, I saw more.

To this day, many things were said and done, and I ask myself, God, teach me how to not judge and just love. But God, why? Why would someone go to a funeral of another to talk ill about another person? Was my perception of the funeral of a person that warped? If you have nothing nice to say about the dead person, at least show basic respect and not talk ill about another? Why would things come to this extent when some of the burden should have been shared?

Forgiveness.
Magnanimity.

I couldn't be bothered.
I'm more interested in capturing every memory, good and bad, I had with her.

Grandma was a great lady. Great not because of her cooking almost all meals every day. Great not because she bought us snacks and stickers when we were children. Great not because she sat me down and gave me some money to spend.
Grandma was great because although she grew up to be quite a rebel, she sacrificed all she had for the family she built with grandpa. She was so independent, so independent that when I wanted to hold her hand while she walked, she refused to allow it because she was independent like that.

My memories with her are still fresh in my mind. It feels like she never left me. I can still remember the way she talked, the way she walked, her temper, her funny moments, her sad moments, her gossipy moments, and her loving moments.

I don't know what I can do for her other than what I did when she was alive.
And for that, I am thankful. I am extremely grateful that I was given the opportunity and I took it.
I was given a chance to serve her, and I did.
I'm glad she could see, I'm glad she could hear, I'm glad she could feel.

More importantly, I'm glad that despite she had a stroke, and despite she could not move for years after the stroke, she continued to inspire me.

To Mr. Lee

On 23rd March 2015, one of Singapore's really important person passed away.

While I have shunned away from reading political news for some time (a result of studying Political Science and coming across political spin, etc.), I cannot deny the amount of respect I have for this man.

Mr. Lee is like a grandfather. You know he will pass soon, and you are, in a way, glad that he does not have to suffer anymore, but you still feel sad. For that whole week, there was just this tightness in my chest whenever I passed by a billboard, a poster, or a post on social media about this man. In fact, I couldn't bring myself to watch all the tribute shows dedicated to him. It just made it more real.

Many countries, and even some Singaporeans, have this mindset that Singapore was under dictatorship and we have sacrificed our freedom for this peace.

But really?

I feel that despite the wrong decisions that this man and his government seemed to make, he made many right ones, and some wrong decisions that we felt he made were actually the right decisions.

It takes a man with foresight to do what Mr. Lee did. If not for him, Singapore wouldn't know what it is like to be friends with people of different races. If not for him, Singapore would not have developed to where it is today. If not for him, what is education for women in Singapore? If not for him, women would not dare to go out of their homes alone.

I wouldn't even mention the names of the countries, but if Mr. Lee had not been harsh on the people involved in racial riots, we would see ghettos, and we would probably still see fights and news of people being injured or dead as a result. If Mr. Lee had not pushed for multiculturalism, we wouldn't know what harmony is.

And I take this moment to voice my opinion about freedom of speech. Granted, freedom of speech is the freedom to speak anything you are thinking of, and not face legal consequences. But really, take some time to think through what would happen amongst citizens if we spoke freely about our dislike for each others' behaviours or comments about others. What if your protest was about being against the existence of another culture? You are exercising your right to have your freedom of speech, but the social consequences thereafter is what you did not see. Would you rather have your protest be approved before protesting or would you rather having to hide at home because it is too dangerous outside? To be honest, I feel that I have a comfortable level of freedom of speech in Singapore. I can speak to the opposite gender without being judged. I can speak about what I want to speak to with my friends. Isn't that also freedom of speech? If your freedom of speech is going to cause disharmony for no reasonable reason, it probably is because it is unreasonable. Then, you can't exactly blame the law for correcting you.

Like every political leader, some would not like him, and that's absolutely normal. However, if not for all the things he had done, Singapore would not be complaining about the things that the government did which are not in favour for them. They would be contented that they have survived the day. Ultimately, he has done his best for the country, and we should take a moment to appreciate all that he has done. I trust that he made decisions then based on whatever resources he had, to the benefit of Singaporeans.

Thank you Mr. Lee.

Recipe: Sushi

My mom rarely cooked in the past.

And this, is one of the few kinds of that she prepared when I was young. We have this sushi maker that made it so easy to make sushis. Now, Daiso sells various types of sushi makers, and Daiso is pretty much everywhere now, which makes sushi making really easy now!

There's a secret ingredient in the sushi we make at home. Well, I say it's secret because... No one I know actually heard of it till I mention it to them. And the so called secret ingredient is Sakura denbu. Its sweet yet salty at the same time, and all of us love it. The pink from this ingredient actually comes from food colouring. This is so that it resembles Sakura Cherry Blossoms (hence the name too!). You can buy it (which I do), or you can make it on your own. Just Bento has a recipe for it with photos and it looks really easy to make! 

That being said, here's the recipe! (Recipe makes about 8 rolls)

INGREDIENTS

Sushi Rice
3 cups Japanese short grain rice
3 3/4 cups water

Sushi rice seasoning
1/3 cup rice vinegar
3 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt

Sushi ingredients
Crabsticks
Cucumber, sliced thinly
Seaweed
Sakura denbu (fish floss)
Kanpyo (preserved vegetables)
1 Egg, beaten and lightly seasoned with 1/2 tsp soy sauce

METHOD

1. Cook the 3 cups of rice with 3 3/4 cups of water.
2. Fry the egg in the wok into a thin omelette, then slice it when cooled.
2. Heat the sushi rice seasoning over the fire till the sugar and salt has dissolved.
3. Once rice is cooked, stir in the sushi rice seasoning (does not have to be cooled; I usually do this step after the rice is cooked) and mix well.
4. Make the sushi roll using the traditional bamboo mat, or using a sushi maker. Daiso sells it at $2. It makes sushi a lot easier to make.
5. If using a sushi maker, just line the seaweed in the maker, then put in a layer of rice.
6. Put the other sushi ingredients (crabstick, cucumber, egg, kanpyo), then sprinkle the sakura denbu on the ingredients.
7. Cover with rice and wrap the sushi up.
8. Slice it according to the size you want, or eat it as a roll.

Review: Kombi Rocks

This is an ultimate throwback post. I was looking at my phone for old photos and happen to come across photos taken at Kombi Rocks - as part of my birthday celebrations... last year.

I think I literally bring procrastination to another level. 

Kombi Rocks Diner has quite a long history behind it, with the present owner taking over from his parents, serving dishes thought by them. It was founded in 1971. Today, it not only serves Thai and Chinese food passed down from 3 generations, it sells vintage collectibles and rents vintage vehicles too. (From their name, it's pretty obvious what kind of vintage vehicles they rent right?) To be honest, that was the main reason my sister wanted to bring me there. 

I have an obsession over Volkswagen. I get happy when I see this brand on the road, especially if the make I saw was a beetle or a kombi van. *Fun fact: I never knew the van was called the kombi van till a friend told me a year ago - I always just called it the volkswagen van*

When we arrived at the diner, I have to be honest and say I was in awe of the amount of kombi vans they had; they were so nicely decorated too! They certainly named their diner well. When I got in though, I felt a little confused. On the right was a display of vintage collectibles, ranging from vintage cars to vintage biscuit tins and  mason jars (ok i dont really get the mason jars, but yeah haha). On the left was a pretty imposing character, the Hulk. I have to admit I took photos with the huge sized sculpture, BUT I was super confused at the same time. Why was there a Hulk in the middle of nowhere? It didn't really make sense to me. Hulk wasn't even vintage. And I wish they would do something about their ice cream booth. I digress - I was quite distracted by the overall decor. The place didn't have air-con and did not have sufficient fans to combat the hot weather. 

On to the food. We had 

Thai Basil Minced Pork Set (with egg and rice) - $13
Wok Hei Seafood Horfun - $6.50
Koon Kee Mee Goreng - $6.50
Wok hei Beef Horfun - $8.50
Shrimp and Charsiew Fried Rice - $6.50

The food was average. I had the Mee Goreng, which I find a little bit too oily. That aside, mee gorengs are usually quite oily. On average, their food is a little on the salty side.
Why the 5 dishes when there were 4 of us? My (rather suay) sister ate her dish halfway and found an insect in her dish (we later found out it was a flying ant). Apparently, it is quite common because of outdoor cooking. I cringed internally when I heard one of the staff say that.

Now, I believe in service recovery. We tried to get the attention of the staff. I was a little irritated that the staff took a while before deciding to attend to us. They then told us they would check and get back to us. And so, they came back and told us they would change a dish for us at no charge. At this point, my sister was a little unnerved and she was really worried the next dish would have some sort of insect again. Still, we ordered a fried rice.

I know I should not expect so much at coffee shops, but this wasn't exactly a coffee shop. It was a non-air-conditioned theme cafe. I don't think I am expecting too much when I expect my sister's dish to be waived. Heck, even a cup of coffee or tea as a form of apology is good for me. It's not that much about the cost. It's about service recovery. I was a little disappointed at their service recovery because it seemed like a common problem they have. It must be so common that they think they need not do much. Alright, if I were to view it as a coffee shop then I wouldn't expect so much.

If your main aim is to take photos with the kombi vans and catch a glimpse of couples taking wedding photos (which we did see!), go ahead and try this place. The food is average though, don't expect too much.

Recipe: Fried Bee Hoon

Whenever I cook this dish, I think of my grandma. 

For as long as I can remember, my grandma has been cooking almost every meal. The only time she doesn't cook is when we go out for dinner. 

Once, I arranged for my friends to come over for a BBQ and borrowed her kitchen to cook this dish because her kitchen was equipped with huge woks and pans. 

I regretted borrowing her kitchen. 

While grandma didn't know how to drive, she sure knew what backseat drivers, or in this case, backseat chefs, do. She stood by me in the kitchen, telling me my bee hoon would not taste nice because there was not enough oil and that she was sure it wouldn't taste nice without the oil. Countless times, she asked if she could take over. 

I was sooooo frustrated. 

I mean, I wasn't stepping into the kitchen as often as I do now, but I was pretty sure I knew how to cook beehoon, using water instead of oil. 

And so, I ignored her and kept telling her to go out of the kitchen. I knew what I was doing. 

At the end, she ate my beehoon and said she didn't actually think it would taste nice, but it was actually alright in taste. I had to resist the urge to tell her that fried beehoon can be cooked in a healthy yet tasty way too. *She never told me, but I know that she still felt that hers tasted better though, I just know it. She was politically correct that way.* I'll have you know that my friends enjoyed it, grandma! 

And so, in tribute to my grandmother, a woman who loved cooking, here's my own rendition of the fried beehoon - the healthy version.

INGREDIENTS

1 package 400 g rice vermicelli

2 tbsp. chicken stock

3 eggs, beaten and seasoned with pepper and ½ tbsp. soy sauce

4 cloves garlic, minced

2 carrots, julienned

10 pieces shiitake mushrooms, sliced

½ cabbage, sliced 

200 g diced meat, marinated with 2 tbsp. sesame oil, 2 tbsp. soy sauce, 1 tbsp. rice wine, 1 tsp. sugar

2-3 tbsp. Oyster sauce

2 tbsp. Soy sauce

Pepper to taste

Spring onions, for garnishing 

METHOD

1. Soak rice vermicelli in water for 20-30 minutes. In the water, add 2 tbsp. chicken stock. Drain, but keep the stock.

2. Heat wok with some oil, then fry egg till both sides are cooked. When cooled, cut omelette into thin slices and set aside.

3. Heat wok with 1 tbsp. oil (I use sesame oil) and fry the garlic. When fragrant, add carrots (~1 min). Season with pepper and some stock.

4. Then, add the mushrooms, frying for a while (~2 min) before adding cabbage. Simmer ingredients for about 5 minutes. 

5. Add in the marinated meat and mix well in wok.

6. Add in the vermicelli, and mix well to combine. 

7. Pour in 2-3 cups of the stock, then season with 2-3 tbsp. oyster sauce, 2 tbsp. soy sauce, and pepper to taste. Adjust taste accordingly, by adding more soy sauce if not salty enough.

8. Allow the vermicelli to absorb stock and cook till stock has been absorbed, mixing now and then to ensure that stock is evenly absorbed.

9. Mix in the cut egg strips and serve, garnished with spring onions. 

Enjoy!

Something I learnt from this - there is no hard and fast rule with this dish. 

Love, Rosie

And so I caught this show a while back.

I was slightly disappointed.

There was a redeeming scene in the movie which the book never mentioned.

I, however, was soooo disappointed that the whole movie NEVER mentioned about the silence, apart from once, only in passing.

No, I mean, seriously? The silence is such a big aspect of Alex's and Rosie's love life. It was also the silence that brought Toby and Katie together.
How on earth can they not talk about it?!

I was so sad that was literally the first thing I talked about when I left the theatre. The other scenes were sooooo irrelevant to me.

Why oh why, what a terrible thing to do to me.
And where is Randy Andy? HAHAHA that guy was a joke.

But I really liked the part where Alex told Rosie she was perfect for him (well kinda hinted), and it was because he thought he didn't have a chance with her, that he went on from one girl to another, trying to find someone who would at least match up with her, but none has ever been able to meet up to what she is. It was quite a silly place to do it though, at his wedding with Bethany, but it is just so typical of the two of them - doing the right things at the wrong times.

Please don't let If you could see me now suffer the same fate. Please capitalise on the last scene, when Elizabeth paints that room, what the room looks like, and her smile. Please show Opal's love story. Is that film even coming out? I've been waiting for years now. It's taking forever. In fact, how can Love, Rosie be out before If you could see me now. The talks about If you could see me now being made into a movie was so much earlier!

The Year of 2015

It was beautiful.

When clock struck 12 on New Year's day, the fireworks went off one after another, again and again for almost 5 minutes. It was so close. It is the closest I have ever been to fireworks, and I think it's the closest I would ever be.

Singapore sure knows how to throw a party.

And that is one short snippet of the really long fireworks show (not that I am complaining).

I realised that I have really grown up then.
Gone were the days where I go crazy looking forward to countdowns and having fun with my friends.
But maybe I already grew out from these a long time ago. Well.
I actually envisioned myself sitting on the couch watching fireworks and sipping wine (not literally though, i'm not that big a fan of wine). But my point is, I rather spend it quietly with the one I love. This year, we went to Melv's place cos his mom feels a little down. I'm really glad we didn't go out and just stayed in the end, because I wouldn't have been able to see such an awesome fireworks show if we went out.

And with all new years come new changes.
I want changes this year, I really do.
And I'm talking about all aspects of my life.
Can you believe I've never sat down and thought about my New Year Resolutions?
For a thinker who likes to think, I sure didn't think much.
But I resolved to do that this year! (haha I think I'm funny; resolving to do resolution)

• Health

• Exercising at least twice a week

• Eating Healthier - more fruits and vegetables and more home cooked healthy meals

• Wealth

• Take up the 52 Weeks Challenge (in my own manner)

• Social and Family Life

• Cooking at least 2 meals a month for my family 

• Volunteering for something 

• Being more involved emotionally

• Self

• Going back to reading - a book a month doesn't sound too difficult yes?

• Finish Taylor's Gift 

• Spend a day a month to clear the clutter - literally a whole day

• Knowing more about Him.

And I'm going to do it! 

Let's go!

Thought of the day

Because sometimes you realise that you two aren't together because you two were never meant to be.

D'Kranji Resort

Singapore is well known for food, shopping, and high rise buildings. In fact, this city is filled with these three aspects almost everywhere that we tend to just stick to these.

We avoid outdoors towards the end of the year because of the monsoon season. People call you crazy if you want to spend your time outdoors during the middle of the year because of the hot weather. 

Basically, most of the year, we are in shopping malls eating, shopping, watching movies, maybe (for me) singing K on top of other indoor activities. 

I figured Melv and I are a little different because we hardly watch movies. I can count the number of times we been to the movies with my hands. We hate crowding with everyone in shopping malls. Majority of our time is spent debating where to eat (cos I don't fancy hawker food that much). He doesn't enjoy K. We often wonder what we can do, especially when he takes leave at work. 

Some time back, I chanced upon this deals voucher for D'Kranji Resort at Kranji area. In all honesty, Kranji is a very far place for me, and I know nothing about this place. The only time I went to Kranji is when the school brought me (in primary school). There is this really big wetland reserve there that your school enjoy bringing you for science purposes (and for mosquito feeding session for me). I hated sugei buloh when I was a kid. I always went home with mosquito bites that itched like mad. 

Melv mentioned this Bollywood Veggies place which he wanted to go try in Kranji (this was along the trail). Soooooo, we bought this stay at D'Kranji resort. 

It was a 2D1N thing which included a Bird Nest Farm tour. The Bird Nest Farm was within the resort itself, so it was very convenient. 

Getting there was pretty straightforward. Take a train to Kranji MRT, then wait for a shuttle bus (freq about 1hr) This is the bus schedule. It costs $3 for a day, unlimited rides. It stops at multiple locations, but we were only interested in the stop for Bollywood Veggies and the resort itself. 

Our first stop was lunch at Bollywood Veggies, and we planned to take a walk in the farm after lunch. I heard that we could get a tour for $1 or $2 but we waited for awhile and when no one appeared we just took a walk on our own in the vegetable farm. 

Lunch at Poison Ivy and visit to Bollywood Veggies Farm

I understand that the veggies at the bistro is supplied from the vegetables that the owner grows in the farm (I think it's pretty cool haha). The food was good and I think it's really quite cheap (especially when I compare it to our dinner hmmm). The portioning was also really big. We tried their warrior platter and a dessert. The platter was really interesting (veg option avail) but I felt the dessert was just soso (kueh kosui). We both liked the moringa tempura in the platter most (I think that's what it was), and there was mixed vegetables and different sorts of curry. I think there is a lot to do there, but we didn't book in advance, etc. The website has a lot of information on the different workshops that they have. This place is open on

Wed to Fri (9:30 am to 6:30 pm)
Sat, Sun, & public holidays (8 am to 6:30 pm)
*They close for a fortnight every year during the Chinese New Year season*

 We then headed to the resort to check in. The resort had prawning and a few restaurants apart from the museum. There is really quite little to do there, but this place is more for relaxation anyway.

 

The room is honestly quite small but it was okay for a night's stay. It was well equipped with the daily necessities, which I didn't expect so I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't like the way the shower facility was located. When we proceeded to our room, one of the employees clearing up the tree leaves was closing a wooden door which had direct view of the toilet (which was just a glass panel away). Call me paranoid - I didn't want to spend a long time in the toilet cos I really felt unsafe. 

 

It rained after we went to the other side of the resort for the bird nest tour - it was walk-in but there was no one manning it so we kinda started on the tour on our own. I found it interesting cos I like bird's nest (smth melv doesn't understand) so finding out more about it (history, life cycle of swiftlet, the cleaning and processing technique, etc.) was fun for me. They had this store as well selling birds nest chocolates and cookies. They gave a very scientific name for it which I cannot remember by now but I didn't taste any birds nest inside (i think it was just a certain compound but I really don't know).

We had dinner at one of the restaurants here. It was really expensive in my opinion, but it could be because we ordered venison. Business was slow there, which I think could be because it was so out of the way and because it was a weekday. 

 

Next day, we had the complimentary breakfast. I was a tad bit disappointed cos I thought I was going to get to eat the traditional kaya toast and eggs cos it is after all the countryside right? But the guy was singlehandedly managing everything, which I find impressive cos there were quite a bit of people waiting around for their breakfast. We then checked out and headed back to the city. 

*Aftermath: The mosquito bites on me lasted super long. Then again, we were at fault for forgetting to apply repellent before sleeping.  So its a must to bring the mosquito repellent and use them!

You are

Friend vs. counsellor - who am I?
Because I am really starting to see that I'm different, and things might never become the same.


For no one can understand the pain better than You.

//When I can't find the words
To say how much it hurts
You are the healing in my heart
When all that I can see
Are broken memories
You are the light that's in the dark

You are the song
You are the song I'm singing
You are the air
You are the air I breathe in
You are the hope
You are the hope I'm needin'
Whoa
You are

And when my circumstance
Leaves me with empty hands
You're the provider of my needs
When all my dirtiness
Has left me helpless
You are the rain that washes me

You are the song
You are the song I'm singing
You are the air
You are the air I breathe in
You are the hope
You are the hope I'm needin'
Whoa

(Whoa)

You are the song
You are the song I'm singing
You are the air
You are the air I breathe in
You are the hope
You are the hope I'm needin'
Whoa

If I had no voice, if I had no tongue
I would dance for You like the rising sun
And when that day comes and I see Your face
I will shout Your endless, glorious praise
If I had no voice, if I had no tongue
I would dance for You like the rising sun
And when that day comes and I see Your face
I will shout Your endless, glorious praise

You are the song
You are the song I'm singing
You are the air
You are the air I breathe in
You are the hope
You are the hope I'm needin'
Whoa

(Whoa)

You are the song
(You are the song
You are the song I'm singing)
You are the air
(You are the air
You are the air I breathe in)
You are hope
(You are the hope
You are the hope I'm needin')
I'm singin' whoa

So Worn.

Verse one:

I'm tired I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

Pre-chorus:
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Chorus:
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a
broken life
And what's dead inside can be reborn
Cause i'm worn

Verse two:
I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm to weak
Life just won't let up

Pre-chorus
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left


Chorus:
Oh Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a
broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

Bridge:
My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah I'm worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So heaven come and flood my eyes

Final Chorus:
Let me see redemption wins
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a
broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

Cooking healthier!

So I previously said I wanted to eat healthier.

So darn difficult.

I think it's easy when you are living alone, but it's not easy when you are living with your family who has really different eating habits (e.g. eating at 8 plus 9 pm)

And so I downloaded a healthy recipes app on my mother's phone. It helped! She started cooking some dishes from there, and I would cook a dish or two when she was cooking while I am home.

Today, I cooked this potato dish with carrots, beans, and eggs. I really like this dish after I cooked it while I was in Melbourne. The eggs were runny, and when you break it and eat it all together, it tastes so awesome! Alas, not a dish for my dad who loves Chinese food.

Just a rant

I just turned 23 a while back.

I love birthdays.

But I absolutely hate my own.

Whenever my birthday comes around, I build a barrier around me and there is this ironic feeling within me. I want to feel like I'm the most important person on that day because it is my day, but I have a lot of people around me making me feel like I'm not worth it.

And this sucks.

I hate feeling that I'm not worthy. And so, over the years, I found it easier to not give a damn about other people's birthdays because if I didn't care about theirs, they can don't care about mine and I don't have to feel so upset when they forget mine.

I feel super mean about it but I don't exactly enjoy broadcasting when my birthday is when it is coming.

And I honestly don't know what feels worse. People sending me birthday messages after my birthday when they see pictures of celebration or people totally not sending the messages at all. Because I feel sucky all the same.

I don't get it, I really don't. It makes me question who I am to these friends of mine. Am I really their friend? Or am I just another person they can go to when they need help in their life and/or need a listening ear? Because I am really sick and tired of feeling this way.

I am sick and tired of putting everyone else before me and have their treat me like I have no feelings whatsoever, forgetting me when it's about me. Can my friendships don't be just about them but about me as well? I really don't want to have friends who can't be bothered about what is going on in my life. I have enough of feeling under-appreciated at home. I don't want my friends-those I choose - to make me feel this way as well.

If I really have to, I will move away and take these people out of my life, because I really have enough of feeling like this all the time.

2 over weeks after

I realised I never really got to talking about the 30-day challenge post-30 days.

I talked to a few friends about it, and this is the summary.

Before the 30 days, my fitness level was about 3/5. After the 30 days, its about 4/5. Why do I feel so? Before the 30 days, my push ups weren't in very good form and I can barely do 10. After, I could do more than 10 and my form was better. That was just one indicator though, there are many more.

I got into this challenge cos I was already doing level 2 now and then for the past 2 years. After coming back to Singapore, I hit an exercise rut. I blame the weather and my lifestyle. I like to exercise in the late mornings, but by 830 am, especially during this haze season, running outdoors can kill me. Running in the evenings is probably the best time for me in terms of weather but I usually have commitments in the evenings. I can't really bring myself to go to the gym in Singapore because, I really don't know why. Maybe they are just too crowded for me to go alone?

Back to the challenge.
Level 1 was easy for me. Easy, but I still perspired like crazy. It honestly felt good after the workout, but I could already do level 2 in the past, so I was getting a little bored after a few days, but I wanted to press on in level 1. When 10 days came up, I was glad. Level 2 previously gave me sore muscles the following day of the workout. As sadistic as I might sound, I was looking forward to it.

As expected, level 2 was still doable for me. In fact, the 10 days in level 1 must have prepared my body well. I did not feel muscle aches at all! This already made me feel fitter. It was more difficult though. I was excited to get into level 3, a little apprehensive, but excited all the same. I haven't done level 3 before, and I was worried about the sore muscles all of the sudden (gee I don't know why the sudden change; I think I didn't want to give up on a day due to sore muscles).

So level 3 came. In my opinion, it was freaking hard. After strength was cardio mixed with strength and then abs which sometimes had a mixture of strength too. The time seemingly passed really fast too. I guess I didn't pay attention to the time so much when I was struggling to hold my breath for more of the workout. Right till the last day of the level 3 workout, I was still unable to follow through all the way, I had to stop for about 5 seconds during the last (cardio) part. I'm going to make it my next goal when I next start on this 30-day challenge again.

Right now, I am taking a short break from HIIT and am easing myself back into my normal routine of exercise. That being said, I'm pretty sure I will still go back to do the level 3 now and then.

I didn't follow any diet plans. I find it a little tiring to stick to any diet plan in particular but I did feel a difference in the strength of my muscles. But my main aim was to get back into the exercise routine, so that was a minor issue. My diet did influence the strength I had to do my workout though, which is something I felt I had to pay attention to.

Count your blessings Wednesday

I'm extremely lucky. Despite what a lot of people say about how Melv is lucky for having found me, I think I am extremely lucky to have found him. Because really, I am the lucky one. 

I found a man who loves me for who I am, who renders me support when I need it most, who listens although he has an extremely short attention span, and he does all these unconditionally. 

He would have no complaints when I have to alter our plans just to accommodate certain commitments that I made. He patiently sits there on the day of his leave at my house, watching me assemble a last minute cake order. He listens to me when I am feeling awful or when I had a lousy day. He gives in to me all the time. He appreciates me, and shows it whenever he can. He puts me first in many decisions he make. He never raises his voice at me and always tries to understand me and my little imperfect ways. He remembers the things I say, no matter how insignificant they are. I don't know how he does it, but he does. Through his ways, he reminds me that I am human, and I can depend on him. I don't have to always steel myself and fight on my own. 

He annoys the heck out of me whenever he asks me endless questions that make me think so hard. He forces me to make decisions about what we would be going to do for the weekend or where we should go for dinner. He makes fun of me from the little things that he find out about me, but I wouldn't change him for anyone else in the world, because there will probably be no one who knows me as much as he does, no one who would put in as much effort as him, and no one who would love me as unconditionally as him.

And for this, I am thankful. 

How do you know if he is the one?

I had two friends ask me this question in 2 days.

While I didn't think so much about it the first time I was asked this question, I started to wonder when I got the question the second time.

And my answer is: I would never know. I don't have a crystal ball, and I don't have a magical animal that can calculate it out for me.

But there would be one thing that I know, and that is, if I were to stay committed to the relationship and we both do all we can to make it work, then it would work. If it doesn't work out in the end, then, he isn't the one. Even so, I would have no regrets, because I tried my best.

You need two to make a relationship work.

And while there are some things that can actually make it easier for you to try, there are also things that can make you feel like giving up. And it is exactly the things that make you feel like giving up that strengthen your relationship most. You don't have to argue over every little thing, but it is almost impossible to know someone better without occasional fights. As bad as this sounds, the worst character of a person comes out during this time, so if you can settle an argument in a way where both of you are comfortable with, I think that's something good. Mel and I don't exactly argue a lot, and when we do, we usually only 'argue' after a while, because I tend to need the cool-down period. I refuse to let emotions take over completely when I am feeling upset about something, because I feel that this is the time when most hurtful things can be said. Different people can settle it differently, but I find that taking a step back is beneficial. If you can't even settle differences without hurting yourself or the other, then I really think something is wrong in the relationship, and if nothing is done to change that, then it is probably just the start of the end.

I see a relationship progress in a certain way. It is a gradual process whereby it isn't so much about you, but it is about him/her. I don't call it self sacrifice, and I wouldn't try to balance it out in an equation either. I think people don't see from the perspective that you should put your other half first in whatever decisions you make (I'm talking about the more stable relationships). It's about making the other happy. I mean, why would you want to be in a relationship and be anything other than nice to the other party? It doesn't really make sense to me. It's a cycle you know. A treat B nice, B is happy, B then treats A nice, A is happy (and it goes on and on). Sometimes it's really hard to be nice though, especially when you quarreled, or you just had a bad day at work. Communication comes in playing an important role here. I really don't see how hard it is to say that "I am tired from XXX, let me take a breather for a while to sort my thoughts out" when you feel that way. Firstly, other half gets the message and takes a step back. Secondly, other half would be more understanding towards any irrational behaviour. Thirdly, you give an opportunity for your other half to share your problems with you. I could go on and on about communication because I think people are just not open enough with their communication. Well, either that or they communicate not-so-nice things to one another.

I also have this theory about the different phases of a relationship, where transition from 1st to 2nd is probably the most problematic transition.
The different phases of a relationship
They call the start of the relationship the honeymoon phase for a reason. I don't actually know who came out with this theory, but i figured its because you are like honey at first, and the other party would do anything for honey at this stage, including getting the moon for you. After this stage ends, and you get more comfortable with each other, honey isn't considered that hard to get anymore. And so, people start slacking off. Well, life gets in the way sometimes too. We have jobs, school, friends, family - it really isn't easy finding a balance.
Then comes the next phase. This is mostly the phase that makes or breaks a relationship. It is easy to slack off, and while some partners are okay with it, others are confused over what caused the change. To add on, things start getting more real as the couple heads towards a more stable relationship. It's not just about going on dates anymore. There are errands to run, there are each other's family to meet now and then, and many more things that once were left on the back-burner coming out front, demanding for attention. I mean, you can push these things back to a certain point in time only, right? In other words, the reality sets in, together with the insecurity when assurance is not enough. People hardly recognise the change during these two stages.

And well, the biggest problem of all - expectations for what the other party would do. It's really common to hear this - "but he/she could do this when we first got together! Does this mean that I am not worth that much of his time now?" It's not about that though, I think it's more about a transition that happened without one party knowing. It is probably a fact that one party had stopped putting in as much effort due to (whatever) reasons s/he has. On the other hand, expectations grow as the relationship progresses as well. Things would be so much easier if we didn't have expectations for one another. We love each other in different ways. It's really important to recognise this. It doesn't mean that your partner loves you less if he/she does not love you the same way you love him/her. But we are human. We compare. We compare our love for them vs. their love for us through actions. And when we see that we are doing more, we are not happy. I think this is the time to remind ourselves to look at that person again and pick out what are the little things that he/she does for us. Chances are, we will find that they do things differently and love in a different way. Well if you really don't see any redeeming factor at all, then I really don't know why you are in the relationship. But I'm just saying...

It's good to have expectations, but it is also important to not let the expectations become the main driver of the relationship. If you feel disappointed about a certain expectation not being met, talk about it. It's most likely due to the different ways you love. It's also important to be contented and well, understanding. The other half failing on expectations isn't the end of the world. I think it is just another outlet for you to realise your differences and how you can work on it together. Relationships are just going on dates or simply looking at each other in the eyes and having everything else disappear. It is a lot of work to keep things going in a relationship. And until we learn that a relationship with another isn't just about me, but about us, we probably won't learn to love another as much as we love ourselves.

You know when you are never happy with what you look like?

I think it's quite obvious from the title what this post is going to be like.

I think I lost count of the number of years that I was dissatisfied with my body.

In my growing years, I think I couldn't be bothered. 

Well, I think I was too preoccupied with my friends in primary school then. 

Then you know how it goes, you go into a secondary school and suddenly you're a nobody and you suddenly forget how to make friends and become super self-conscious. 

At least that happened for me. 

Well, at first I was still not bothered. But throw in puberty and your first crush? Okay, now I am starting to bother. But no, still no action, couldn't get to it. Hated exercising, especially running. And you know this self-denial thing? Yeah, I went through that phase too. "It's not so bad, it's fine. you're in the normal weight range again! You're not fat." Well, eventually I did get fat.

And really, the thing about getting fatter and being a nice person, is that people don't exactly make fun of you. Well, they might talk behind your back, but what you wouldn't know wouldn't kill you... No one really openly calls you fat when you are nice cos maybe they feel mean themselves if they make fun of you. Hey, I don't really know the rationale. 

But I was putting on so much weight over the years that when I look back now, I seriously wonder what happened. I probably hit the heaviest when I was in Poly. Well, no more PE to keep you from gaining too much weight, no self-discipline to go exercise on your own. I was still in self-denial then man. Okay maybe not self-denial. I think it was more like, I can't give a damn already. 

And then I was planning an event as part of my module. And you know how these events go, mandatory group shots. I looked at the photos after the event and I was like "My goodness, seriously?" I felt horrible. I think I looked terrible. And I'm not going to hide this picture. I think this picture should forever serve as a reminder to take good care of my body and never let it get to this stage ever again. 

And no, I don't exactly remember when I really started losing weight, but I did remember changing my lifestyle when I went to Shanghai for a 6 weeks school program/holiday. Seriously, exercising with a friend is more fun. I started to like running. Then I met with a few issues and I started going running alone. I loved it more. Blasting fast paced songs as time went by, running faster and longer, I started loving running. 

I was aware I lost some weight by the time I returned from the program. My clothes were more loose, and really, it felt good. And the change was then. I would go for runs with my friends in school. In year 3, I went for PFM and made it my goal to get that silver for NAPFA so that I would get the school jacket. Well, I did get my jacket in the end. Haha!

Here's the interesting part. I started working part time at this place and this group of colleagues would always make fun of me and joke around calling me xiao fei, etc. It was really really annoying and hurting to my self-esteem. But I brushed them away and pretended to ignore their mean behaviour. 

And then I went to Melbourne. Honestly, best chance to change my lifestyle and live for myself. It was quite suffocating back at home because I felt forever burdened by a lot of responsibilities within the family. I lost a lot of weight. In fact, I think over the course of a year, I lost almost 10 kilos. I kinda became a little obsessed with exercising. I felt uneasy if I missed a gym or a swimming session. I wasn't even going with a friend. I was going on my own. And I started becoming concerned about my over-enthusiastic behaviour towards exercise. I actually went to read about it and realised that people could indeed get addicted to exercising. Well, I don't know about others, but I really think this was upsetting balance and I didn't like it. I forced myself to stop thinking so much about exercising and re-evaluated how I was planning my life. Basically, I went off balance once again.

Today, my weight still fluctuates, but when I don't exercise, I don't beat myself up for it but I don't let myself stay inactive for too long either. Most important lesson of all, if I am unhappy with how I look, I do something about it now. Cos waiting for something to change is just not going to cut it. Not happy arms not toned enough? Lift weights. Legs not toned enough? More squats please. Tummy coming out? Cardio and abs workout. Eat healthier, cut down on junk food. Feel better about self and happier with life. Be more energetic. 

Change doesn't happen with whining. The first step is always the hardest. 

6-day countdown

It is finally coming to the end of the one month!!

Jillian Michaels wasn't kidding when she said she wanted the person doing the workout to feel like he/she was going to die.

Level one was pretty easy. Level 2 was doable since i have done it before. But oh my goodness, i really wanted to die at level 3. But i insist on completing the proper 30 days hahaha.

It's a personal challenge.

On a side note, I'm so glad i finished today's one already.

Its just 6 more days. I can do this.

Healthy living in Singapore

It's so darn difficult when you have to eat out. It's not that bad when you just buy and eat the food. But then you get these information about what these hawker foods that you always eat contain. And after you scroll through all the information, you end up feeling that the only thing safe to eat is duck rice without the skin. The one thing that came to my mind when I saw it - I hope this includes the sauce. Almost every thing else there is either coded orange or red.

And if you were anything like me, you would start walking through a big hawker centre like Kovan Hougang market and food centre and find nothing that you would like to eat. I think I am a little extreme though. Plus, I have been cooking my own meals (for most days) for two years plus since I went overseas to study. Whenever I see the amount of oil go into the food, I actually get a little scared. I really don't know why. I lost count of the number of times I go to the market with mom to buy food for the rest of the family and come home with either nothing for myself or popiah from Qi Ji, or a waffle from Prima Deli. I can't resist pandan flavored food, and these two options aren't that oily when I bite into it. They are, however, pretty light in the sense that they are snackish food, so people hardly get full from it. Heck, sometimes even I don't feel full from it. I have to accompany it with a green tea or coffee or I would still be hungry.

Google cheap and healthy food in Singapore and you will probably only get Lei Cha at the end of it. However, the number of stalls selling this traditional Hakka food is limited in Singapore, and it's an acquired taste. I happen to like the taste of it, but I heard of many who just find it too healthy and don't like it. It is extremely filling, which I think is because of all the vegetables. Downside: the famous one is at Boon lay, which is freaking far for me. I settle for the one in Katong, it's much nearer, haha.

So how? Eat mixed rice every day? Whenever I buy food for my brother, I try to aim for mixed rice because at least I get to choose a vegetable dish. But I know people also can get bored from eating mixed rice every day. I feel a little guilty whenever I keep buying mixed rice but I actually think mixed rice is one of the healthier stalls that one can buy food from! Plus, it's pretty cheap! Of course, I occasionally get the sweet and sour pork which is deep fried, but it's okay, moderation is fine. It is nice too! Haha now I sound so ironic. That being said, I hardly eat mixed rice as well. And I really don't know why. I am such a weirdo.

It is so sad that I can only eat healthy food if I pay more money to eat at a restaurant because now all these health craze and fads are catching up on us in the pricey manner. Juice as substitution of food, healthy sandwiches and wraps, and so many more, but all at a premium price. It's damn depressing when you want to eat healthy but realise you can't really achieve that unless you fork out the extra wad of cash. Btw, I don't believe in the new juicing fad. I think it's a rip off. My opinion though. And I quote this one person talking about a certain company selling 'healthy food'

If it was really that keen on encouraging people to eat healthy, then it wouldn't be serving a foot long cheaper than the 6-inch. 

And so, I ultimately believe that cooking at home is a much healthier option, with more flexibility in what I want to eat, and how I want to eat it. Plus, I would really want to encourage myself to eat healthier right?

I just went a big round to promote cooking at home in SG. I think we don't cook enough in SG. The hawker food's price is too tempting for us to spend extra time in the kitchen to whip something up. But, 30-40 minutes is not that difficult right? Bring down meat from freezer the night before, marinate in the morning before going out. Yes, it takes a bit of planning, but I rather plan my life in a healthy way than not plan and wonder how I died in my sleep.

One day.

One day, I'm going to change how we eat in the family for good.

You should, too.

Sometimes, I think I am mean.

You know this social networking site, FaceBook? 

Well, apparently, I just realised today, that your supposed friend can unfriend you on this social networking site while continuing asking favours from you, such as booking tickets to his overseas trip because he can't really understand written English. 

Usually, I don't give a damn. However, if you can be so gungho about taking people out of your life, don't ask favours from them. Don't pretend. 

It's people like you that make me don't want to be nice to people.

So what if you got a new girlfriend? She moved on, and so can you. You don't have to unfriend her sister just because you got a new girlfriend and don't want your ex and ex's family to know about it. I would wish you the best, but I think I would keep my well wishes because I wouldn't have known about your relationship if my friend had not told me about it. *insert bitchy look here* 

If your ego is so big, if you want to remain looking like your life has gone downhill due to the breakup, then I am going to burst this bubble of yours when I next see you. Given your MO, there are only two reasons for you unfriending me on this social media. 

1. Your gf and you are active on this platform and you don't want me to know your updates that you have moved on and is no longer sulking at home every night whining about how your heart has been broken.

2. You have not gotten over your ex and it pains you to see updates about your ex through her sister, who is supposedly your friend as well. 

Which is more plausible? No benefit of the doubt for you here. I'm going with 1. And I think it's seriously mean of you because you have continuously been playing the role of the victim and continuously been getting me involved in trying to get your ex back then. In fact, you still are when you see me. So no more pity for you. The breakup then was asked of by you anyway. It wasn't even your ex's fault that you treated her so badly that she had to wake herself up 2 years later. I'm honestly surprised that I had not connected my fist to your jaw when she told me some things in between your relationship.

And why I think I am mean? Because I know you won't ever read this, not just because we aren't "friends" anymore, but also because you can't really read English. 

Yes, I am feeling really mean now. 

Hiatus from Running

I actually miss running.

I miss running but I'm on this 30-day challenge with myself where I workout daily. It ends on the 19th of this month. To be honest, I cannot wait to go back to running. But I started on this, and I don't want to stop halfway.

Plus, it's not like this workout has no benefits. HAHA.

To be really honest, I feel more tired than when I go for runs when doing this workout. And that makes me feel more accomplished after the workouts. 20 minutes is also a really short time, it's not that bad for a person like me who seriously has issues with keeping to time cos she has a million things that she set herself up for oops.

And although this workout is only 20 minutes, I actually feel fitter after the workouts as compared to running. My minimum runs are usually about 3.5km now. And I feel a little guilty when I go for runs because I feel like I could use that time for something else (I take about an hour plus with walking and using the exercise machines in my neighbourhood).

I wonder if I would be able to go even further after this 30-day challenge. :P

Oh well, 20th, come quickly!

Volunteering

Today, i started my first volunteering stint with Rainbow Centre at Yishun. Yes, the link is directly to their volunteer's page, but I figured if anyone were to read this, they would already be having thoughts about volunteering with them, so yes, I'm encouraging you to do so!

Honestly, before today, I kept procrastinating. Procrastinated in sending the first email, procrastinated in the liaising, procrastinated on the date to start, and even procrastinated to say yes to the time slot given to me. I should be ashamed. I am already reaching 23 and I still am half-hearted when I am doing things.

In my defence, I take an hour plus to get there, it is about a 15 minute walk into the place from Khatib Mrt, and my time slot was 8:30 am to 12:30 pm. I'm sure there are other time slots that I can take up if I requested, I would just be helping with different things. For this time slot, I was helping a class with bringing them out, and then accompanying the class for their 'full' school day. And I found this 'job' scope quite fulfilling, so heck it, sacrifice some sleep to experience it.

You know what? I'm glad I got out of bed and honoured my promise to turn up.

To be honest, I am amazed at how the school functions and how the teacher in charge of the class is able to control the class. She knew when they were going to act up and took the necessary action to prevent them from acting up. The times that they acted up, she knew what to do to get them to calm down. Believe me, it takes a lot of patience and concentration. It's not something that can be honed from just practicing over the years. The school used a lot of visuals, and I am super awed by how they tailor the visuals to suit each child, e.g. use of cars as symbols for tasks that he/she had to do for child that likes car. There was a lot of positive reinforcement ongoing there (sorry, I'm taking psychology, its an occupational hazard).

I am even more amazed by the children's ability. I saw a boy actually use play dough to shape various types of dinosaurs, such as the triceratops and apatosaurus (no i don't actually know the names by heart; I googled them - but it just shows how accurate he is in doing up the animal). And he was cutting really complex shapes of dinosaurs that I think I would not be able to do when I was at his age. I concluded he loves dinosaurs. I have to admit though, this class is a more independent. There are other classes where the children can be a little more difficult to handle.

Oh, and I find it super cute when I see young kids holding their partner's hands, especially when it is a little boy and a little girl. They just look so adorable! And the kids accept you so readily. One of the students just readily took my hand when I was bringing her to refill water (its my first day btw)! They would talk to me, and ask me for help, readily accept my help when I go forward to help them, etc. Honestly, how can you not like someone who so readily accepts you, much less a group? And really, would you want to go once and stop going or go when you feel like it when you know that this group of children require a as much stability in their school life as possible?

Well, I wouldn't want to do that. It has something to do with what I am learning as well. In general, children do not go very well with change. Think about it, as adults, we find it hard to deal with change at times too. How would a child be able to adapt more than an adult? Plus, these children already have enough on their plate learning their daily habits. It would be mean to cancel a volunteer session just because "I can't get out of bed".

So, I really encourage volunteering with Rainbow Centre if you like children and are willing to commit long term (about 6 mths). Don't think about ad-hoc, because if you want ad-hoc, go to SG cares instead or smth. You have to be open about the experience and must go with a heart that wants to learn about the children. Because it's easy to be blind to the good of these children when you see their behavioural problems which you otherwise might not see, or see much less in children without special needs. And yet, you could see how capable they are if you opened your eyes as well.

This is the furthest i would go here.

Today, i attended the wedding of an uncle.
Together with the ongoing issue within my own family, i started wondering, just what constitutes a family? Or rather, what constitutes a harmonious and functional family?

Because it feels so far away.

Honestly, it saddens me. In fact, it scares me as well.

What have gone so wrong that we turned out this way?

When one decides to get married, and go through the vows, have they really considered through carefully and have the wedding vows that they said before the altar been drilled into their heads?

Why do people even get married if they do not hold steadfast to their vows and promises to one another? Most of all, how can you even treat the person you married in a horrible way? Didn't you marry this person out of love? How can you even bring yourself to hurt someone you love?

 Its so pretty. Weddings are so pretty. They are sacred too. Why do people go through this whole beautiful life event only to taint it with their selfishness? When two people stand before the altar, they make up one. How can there be more than 2 in the equation? Do these people just fail math or they just have no sense of logic?

How can this happen? How can people just fall out of and in love again just like this? How can a wrong be righted with another wrong? How can one be in the wrong and still remain adamant about righteousness?

Because you lose the right to, regardless of previous wrongs by the other. You lose it right when you broke the vow. And breaking the vow not only translates to a disrespect to the marriage, it also means that you have let down everyone who was led to believe your lies, and people are now given the right to relinquish any respect they have of you through the years and replace it with negative judgment on you.

It's been so long

It's been so long since I came to this spot.

I guess sometimes life really gets in the way.

I piled up so many things on my plate since I got home from Aust that I actually feel overwhelmed on some days. I sacrificed so much of my sleep that my eye bags are out again. :( (ok my eye bags have always been somewhat there cos of my complexion but when I have lack of sleep, it becomes super obvious)

Anyway, most importantly of all, I started up this insta/facebook page on the bakes that I do for family/friends or for selling haha. I think this is the closest I get to my dream and I am really happy that I get to go this far. Super thankful for the undying support from the mr and all my friends who have either supported me through buying from me or really, just talking to me about it. I get so pumped up when I talk about baking and all. I don't know why, I really dont. Maybe it's passion. :D

I'm now starting on the second trimester for my 4th year in JCU. You know, I really like psychology - especially the counselling part, but sometimes, I really wonder if I am good at it. Because if I were really good at what I am doing, then why can't I do the same towards what is most important to me? 

I have also started giving tuition to a P2 student. Actually I find teaching quite fun :D Except I realised that I face a huge issue whenever we come to Chinese. oh my. I guess kids just really don't like chinese. I don't know why as well hahaha. I wasn't a huge fan but I was okay with chinese. Soooooooo~.

About bread, and irritants in the library.

And so, I had a plan.
I envisioned me happily eating my

ham and cheese sandwich,
or my

strawberry yoghurt sandwich,
or my

peanut butter and jam sandwich.

But they all went down the chute today (literally) when I woke up seeing my bread had turned mouldy.
:(

The images were obviously googled (my bread spoilt, remember? hahaha)

And then I went to the library.

At first it was okay, maybe a bit of noises here and there.
And then the girl in front of me talked to the guy in front of me.
Oh yeah, I'm okay (but no-so-okay-already) with that, since she is sick and whispering might aggravate her cough.
BUT THEN THEY JUST WON'T STOP TALKING.

omg it's so bloody irritating.

The guy would do work, then the girl would tap him after a short while (i swear it's not even 5 minutes), he would turn around, they would start talking again, and then he would turn back to do work and she would tap him and yeah, you get the drift.

I couldn't take it after a while and had to listen to music.
And then I could hear them over the music and had to crank up the music more. -.-
As if that wasn't enough, I looked up from my paper to suddenly see her sitting on him hugging him. -.-

Like seriously?

And then when she finally got off him, a friend came in a while later and they started chatting.
Have I mentioned I was in a library?

urgh.

Eventually a librarian came in and told them that it is a silent study area and if they wanted to talk, they should talk outside.

I'm being dreadfully honest here, I had to force myself to not smile. I was soooooo happy.
LOL.

I'm so mean.

Why you shouldn't give a damn.

I meet annoying people a lot of times in my life who constantly do unfair things repeatedly. And honestly, it is getting increasingly draining dealing with them. But really, sometimes they do things to push you to an end, and you just go "You know what? You can go die for all I care, I've had enough." - No, I don't mean literally, I'm not that mean.

I like to rationalise my actions. I try to be logical no matter how illogical I may sound to others. And so, reasons for why I shouldn't give a damn about these people anymore.

1. The cliche "they aren't worth it". I don't care how ridiculous this sounds, but people who constantly push you to the extremes really aren't worth your time, effort, and friendship. As bad as I may seem for being the one calling it quits, I argue that I am just reacting to other party's behavior. Not giving a damn about the person anymore is really, a favor to that person, because really, when I don't give a damn anymore, it's when the person has repeatedly behaved unfairly towards me. And so, not giving a damn is better than dissing the person.
2. They are just being very selfish. Honestly, when people behave in ways that repeatedly annoy you, it's because they are only thinking from their POV. I know people are selfish; everyone is selfish to a certain extent. But really, there must be a limit. The world doesn't just revolve around you and your small little world. Just because you want the attention doesn't give you the right to behave in ways that cause others unhappiness or inconvenience.
3. They self-victimise/self-pity. I always have a theory about people who engage in self-pity. Giving in to them equates to indirectly telling them that they were really a victim of a certain situation and that they could do it again because it will work. Guess what? I don't fall for that. I give this analogy. If you fall and scrape your knee, you get up on your own feet again and do something about it. If you just sit there and cry, then may your wound infest and you die from it. Because really, unless you are in one way or another handicapped, you have no reason to rely on others for your well-being. Well, unless you pay them. Then yes, you have the right to rely on them to nurse you and babysit you.
4. They do not self-reflect. I can't hang around people who do not self-reflect for a very simple reason. They behave as if the world only revolves around them and they are always right no matter what they do.It is absolutely irritating because these people are too narcissistic for me. If you love yourself so much, I guess you can spend more time with yourself then.
5. They don't give a damn about you too. This is probably the most direct way of seeing that you don't have to give a damn about them too.

And so, no, I am not going to give a damn about you. So there.